Life went on. We couldn't just wallow in the self pity so we went back to our routine.
I walked into the conference room and just the guys were in there at the moment.
"Hey Quinn how are you?" They all said in unison.
I chuckled but responded. "Guys I'm fine. But thank you."
I took my seat to Seths' right. He took my hand in his and began to stroke my hand back and forth.
I smiled at him and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.
Alex and Mila walked in. They stopped in there tracks.
"Hey Quinn how you doing?" Mila asked.
I playfully rolled my eyes and gave them a smirk.
"Guys I'm fine. Please stop asking."
The day was uneventful everyone was quiet around me. As if they spoke too loudly I would begin to crack. And when something cracked, it eventually broke.
I was gonna head home and get lost in my self pity. That I still did. But than a thought occurred to me.
I sat on the top of Seths' car and waited for him to come out.
It was kind of a stupid thing to do considering he never leaves a decent hour. But surprisingly he came out within a few seconds of that thought.
"Hey baby what are you doing out here?" He seemed mad at the world.
"You okay?" I took him in my arms and he hugged me forcefully.
"Yea it's nothing. Hey..." He pulled me back to meet my gaze. "Are you okay?"
"I'm okay... not anything more not anything less. But eventually.. you know?" I told him I could feel the tears building up but quickly pushed them aside.
"You want to do something with me?" I jumped off the car with his help.
"Of course. I would do anything with you. Go anywhere with you." He pulled me in for a quick kiss.
"Than lets go." I pull him and we make our way to my SUV.
We begin to drive and fiddles and fiddles with the radio.
"I don't know why you bother Seth radio stations play more commercials than anything.
Soon we were making our way down a field.
The radio station began to make static rather than music. And that's when Seth began to take in his surroundings.
"Where are we?" He whispered.
"My second safe haven." I put the vehicle in park and turned it off.
"Where's your first?" He whispered again. And I took his hand in mine.
"With you. Why are we whispering?" I giggled.
"Well this seems like the kind of place to whisper at." I laughed again. God it felt good to laugh again.
I got out of the car and mad my way around to the passenger seat.
He climbed out of the car quickly. He took my hand and wrapped his arms around me. Our bodies pressed together. Honestly it amazed how our bodies fit so perfectly together.
"Hey. Tonight no sex talk okay?" He met my gaze waiting for my response.
He wanted it to be special. He didn't want my grief pressuring me into pushing for it.
"Tonight I just want you too myself. No distractions. No crowd of people. Just you and me." I took my boots off and stood on his converse. We began to sway back and forth.
No music was playing. No words were coming out and it was perfect.
I laid my head on his chest. I calmed my breathing and listened to that heartbeat pump life into this man.
This is what I needed to feel again. Some sort of connection. Any connection this is what I needed.
"Breath baby." He whispered. I didn't even notice I was holding it in.
"I'm not going anywhere. As long as I can help it I'm here for the long haul." He took me in his arms and leaned against the car.
Everything I was holding in. All the pain and grief came flooding out. Being strong for everyone was draining.
Holding it in was draining.
My body began to feel again.
I started to cry. It wasn't anywhere near slow and steady. It was loud and probably ugly. But for once I didn't care I buried my face in seths' chest and released it all.
I felt my chin begin to tremble and everything just broke free.
"I'm scared Seth. I'm scared to lose you. I'm scared to love you so much and give myself to you and than the world takes you away from me. I thought I understood everything, I thought I understood what it meant. But I just can't seem to wrap my head around it."
I can feel my body convulsing in his tight embrace and my lower lip trembling. And his hold only became tighter.
And with that I began to feel the pounding of his heartbeat as if I could feel the blood flowing through his veins I found solace in that.
Even if it was only for that moment. I knew that I would be okay and someday not now but eventually. I would find that moment of solace again.
I finally called down and my nose did that terrible sniffle thing it does when you cry to hard.
"Baby it's so painful to see you like this." He pulled me back a bit and began to rub the dries up tears that were making themselves known on my face.
"Look at me. No matter what happens me and you will make it. Me and you will always be together and the day one of us goes it won't be because we want too." He paused than and I should've sensed he was talking about something else.
But I didn't.
Authors Note: Hope everyone's still reading and bearing with me we are almost done with this fic. Finally huh just wanted to tell you that this chapter was inspired by Heartbeat By Carrie Underwood listen to the song I absolutely love it. As always thanks for reading.
