American Woman: Book 2

Chapter 42

"Come on Jen. You know you want me. I want you too."
"No. I'm with Prince. I don't desire you anymore...."
"Yes you do. We are soulmates. Look at me." I look up into Lenny's eyes and see the man I've loved since I was a little girl. "Touch me." I reach up to caress his face and he grabs my hand and kisses it. "He could never love you like I do. He doesn't want you for life. He's just stringing you along until he gets bored. Come back to me...you and I are forever." He hovers over me until I fall back onto the bed. "I can't do this." I plead. "Prince loves me and I love him...."
"He may love you, but he won't for much longer. Trust me Jen. I've known him longer than you. He doesn't have it in him to stay committed to one person. But I do. I'm still committed to you and we aren't even together. I know you think you love him but it's only bc you're mad at me. I can fix this. Just come back and let me show you."
"You're not committed to me. You're dating someone..."
"She's nothing to me. You are my everything. Don't you want me? Don't you want to try again? You are safe with me. I'm better now. Losing you made me stop everything. I'm clean. I promise baby. We can start that family...Zoe misses you. I miss you. Come home." He leans in and kisses me passionately. The familiar feeling of his tongue ring in my mouth made me instantly moan with pleasure. "Remember how this feels baby? You can't tell me he kisses you like this."
"Stop. Please stop."
"Why? Bc you know I'm right. You're scared bc you know everything I've said is true. He's not your forever. He's a fling. A mistake. I'll forgive you. We can start over." He throws his shirt off and takes my hand and rubs it up and down his firm chest and stomach. He guides it down to his pants and unbuttons them slowly.
"Stop" I protest. "I don't want to do this."
He gets frustrated and steps back. "Why?"
His voice booms angrily. "What does he do for you that I can't?! He hasn't even asked you to marry him! He never will. He doesn't want to marry you..."
"Yes he does. He loves me and wants to have a family with me."
"Oh really? Where is the proof? Huh? Where's your ring? When's the wedding? You still taking birth control?"
"Shut up!"
"Don't get mad at me for pointing it out to you. I asked you to marry me right away. I was actively trying to get you pregnant. He's all talk. He says what he knows you want to hear just to keep you in the palm of his hand, but when he's done, he's done. You won't be able to get back into his world. You will be locked out. No way back in. You'll be an outcast forever. I would never treat you that way...."
"I'm scared..."
"I know you are baby. You've gone to a place with so much uncertainty and isolation. You don't belong there. Come back to me, to Zoe, to LA. That's where you're meant to be. Can I remind you?"
"No..."
"Stop fighting it Jen. Why are you resisting?!"
"Bc I love him...not you. Not anymore."
"Fine. Go back to him. But mark my words. You'll regret it. It will be the biggest mistake of your life. You are going to be so alone one day. No man. No children. No friends. Nothing. He's going to take it all from you."
"No!!!" I scream, covering my ears.
"Momma. Wake up!" I feel Prince's arm around me. "Are you ok?" My eyes flutter open and I'm panting like I've just run a marathon. A light sweat has formed on my skin, and it feels like it's on fire. "Ow! My sunburn! Don't touch me!" I yell. He immediately jerks back. "I'm sorry baby. I forgot. What were you dreaming about?"
"I don't know."
"Well it's something that obviously upset you. You can't remember anything?"
"No...I don't know. It was nothing."
"You do know. You just don't want to tell me."
"It was stupid. Nothing worth talking about. Can you bring the aloe vera to me please?"
He goes to the bathroom and retrieves it. I went to reach for it and he pulls back. "You can't have it until you tell me about your dream...the truth."
I sigh loudly and look down. "It was about Lenny. He was trying to convince me to come back to him. Telling me all the reasons I should be with him and not you."
"Is that what you want?"
"No! Are you crazy? I can't control my dreams. I was telling him no in the dream..."
"So what were the reasons to not be me with me...according to him in the dream."
"I don't know. Stupid stuff. That you can't stay committed to anyone for long. That you just tell me what I want to hear. That you will leave me and shut me out forever..."
"Well Jensen it may have been him saying it in your dream but really that's all your own subconscious. Getting locked out yesterday somehow opened up something in you that made you think it was a foreshadowing of what will happen in our relationship. And your deep fears about me came to the surface in that dream."
"No. I don't think those things. I trust you. I love you. I want you."
"I believe you, but you have doubts deep down. My track record has caused you to have concerns. It's understandable. The only thing that's going to change it is time. It's not going to matter what I say or how many times I say it. The only thing that will ever make those fears truly go away is time. For you to see that I'm not going anywhere...day after day, week after week, year after year."
"I promise I don't feel that way...."
"Momma you do. But I'm going to prove you wrong. But here's something I want you to think about. What's in it for me? If I didn't want to be with you, I wouldn't be. If I didn't want to marry you or have kids with you, I wouldn't say it. If I didn't want you to live here, I wouldn't have asked. Nobody makes me do anything. I do and say things bc it's what I feel, not for any other reason. Besides love, what else would I get from a relationship with you? There's no reason to use you or manipulate you. There is absolutely nothing in it for me other than a life with you. I don't need money from you. I don't need you to be in my band or a dancer or work for me in any way. I don't need anything FROM you. There's no ulterior motive. Most of my past relationships there was something I wanted from the women I was with...but not you. I need nothing from you."
"Then why do you even want me here?"
"Bc I love you. Ok I do need you...I need your love, I need your support, I need your company...I'm sorry about yesterday. I guess it does still feel like you are just a guest here in some ways. That was never my intention. So today we are going to start fixing that. I'm going to show you where I hide the keys. Im going to give you your own set of keys to all the doors and cars. Anything else?"
"Hmmm the combination to your vault?"
"You're trippin'. That sunburn went to your brain."
"What do you have in there you don't want me to see? Sex tapes? Women? Piles of cash? Dead bodies?"
"Maybe. No. Yes. And hell no, I bury the bodies."
"Prince I'm serious! It makes me feel like you don't trust me."
"It's not that. It's just nothing that would interest you. It's mainly songs and videos."
"But that would interest me..."
"Maybe one day. I've got to clean out all the old sex tapes first. Give them one final viewing before I burn them."
"Babe!"
"I'm kidding. Sort of. I mean there might be a couple of old ones in there but I haven't watched them in forever, and don't plan to again."
"When's the last time you recorded yourself having sex?"
"A long time....I don't know."
"Well which woman was the last?"
"God I don't know...Cat maybe."
"Cat?! I didn't even know you had sex with her!"
"Come on Jensen...didn't you ever see the way we danced together?"
"I thought you were with Sheila then."
"Can we not get into this?"
"Oh Cat was the side chick. How many side chicks at once have you ever had?"
"This really isn't going to help with your doubts about me..."
"Just tell me."
"I don't know...three or four..."
"Oh my god!!! How did you even have time?!"
"Momma can we stop talking about this please? I'm not proud of it. I'm not that person anymore. I don't want to be that person ever again. It is fun I guess when you're young but it gets old fast. And it's stressful. But technology has improved since I last recorded anything, maybe you and I should see how good a new camcorder works." He says, working his hands downward on my body.
"The sunburn!" I scream.
He plops down on the bed defeated. "Let's get this thing better soon. I can't stand not being able to touch you. But maybe after a few days drought it will make a better porno. We will be lusting for each other even more. It will make it more passionate."
"Can you imagine how big your load will be?!"
"Oh my god momma. So...are you saying you'll do it?!" He asked excitedly.
"I don't know. Not while my body looks like this that's for sure. But maybe one day...."
"Ok well rub this stuff on you. I'm going to go find all the old sex tapes and get rid of them to make room for new ones. And start looking into the best video camera I can buy." He says skipping out of the door.