(chamber of reflections - mac demarco)
Elizabeth and Brad were laughing. Truthfully laughing because they were having fun. Late night music was playing in their ears, and fairy lights hung in the sky.
A lovely evening. They had just consumed drugs, and if they didn't, they may have just discovered that the fairy lights was stars, and the music was inside their heads.
The pale moon in the dark sky was shining down on them. Brad eyes was glistening, lighting up his face. He didn't worry, he wasn't angry because he couldn't get any drugs. He had them, and he couldn't be more satisfied.
According to him, everything was falling into place. The fact that the drug use was regular, made it.
They were all alone - as always. But they were fine. Fine, like it hadn't been before they started this.
Oh, how everything was great, more than that even. Brad grabbed her hand, spinning her around. Then he intertwined their fingers. His eyes was fixated on her movement, everything she did. Elizabeth looked around, the city was quiet. No traffic noise, just soft melodies.
Brad removed his hand from hers, holding her waist. She caught his eye. They looked sick. Hair partly greasy, partly frizzy. Bags under their eyes, lips with almost no color. But they were fine. Again, better than usual.
He pulled Elizabeth into a tight hug. She only responded, wrapping her arms around him. Standing there, in between building holding each other, rocking side to side along to the music, they thought was there.
They didn't let go. Something about the comfort they felt at that point, was perfect. Perfect, the word that was never described when they were in the correlation.
They felt secured. Safe.
They pulled away from each other, but kept the closeness of their faces. Brad brought up his hand and caressed her cheek. "Elizabeth..." He sighed. His brown orbs fixated on her pale face, then cracking a small smile. "I like that name."
She just stared back at him, and he did the same.
Alone again.
Alone as always. They didn't make friends. They didn't care. All they needed was drugs, alcohol, a party and each others company.
And suddenly it was like everything went quiet. At least it was for Elizabeth, all she could hear was her breathing.
She looked at him again, and his movements were in slow motion. His brown eyes were bright, and his face was shining at her.
His smile faded. The chilly wind rushed through her, like she was empty. Like she was nothing. And Elizabeth felt weird. Like she didn't exist, and she was nothing. Brad opened his mouth, brushing his dark hair back, making his face look more pale and almost dried out in a way she couldn't explain.
Still with his hands in his hair, his chin was up, lips parted and eyelids half down. He looked so satisfied, and it was probably just the drugs. His hands moved slowly down from the hair and to his sides.
He looked at Elizabeth for what felt like five minutes. And she only did the same.
"Are you alright?" But she heard no voice. It was only his lips moving, and again, it was in slow movements.
She noticed how his facial expression became more worried. More like sad.
Brad felt weird too in that moment. It was like he was asking himself that question. Suddenly everything wasn't about getting into heaven. In fact, he had another perspective on heaven.
Because he felt indifferent. It seemed superficial. Mind-numbing. Heaven wasn't were the good people went, it was damaged souls went without permission. How stupid. He wasn't pure, he wasn't clean, nor would be be. Fucking damaged and nothing else. Still an addict.
He suddenly felt like heaven was therapy. And that was all he needed. Guidance. No one would help him here on earth.
But it was just the drugs, that made his mind like this. Soon enough he would realise again, that heaven was the place he always wanted to be, and the place for the ones who sought forgiveness.
Just the drugs, but that was what they always told themselves. Their excuses for everything.
