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6

6

I do feel better. We ended up in a secluded area by ourselves. Finn was sat across from me, cross-legged. He didn't look too good. His face was covered in bewilderment. I felt confused also by everything that was going on, but relived by being able to share it with someone. I have never seen Finn so quiet before.

In attempt to break the silence, I said softly, "Do you think I'm just going crazy?"

He dropped his head and let out a laugh. He looked over at me. "A little."

He ran a hand down his face before saying, "Are you positive you weren't asleep?"

Definitely not. I shook my head. "I couldn't have been. My head was hurting when we got back. So I was thinking about my tablets and I was holding them in my hand and then everything went all white-"

Finn's hands rested on my knees and his calming voice said, "Breathe. Slow down. Did you see anything when it went white?"

Taking a breath, I thought back before speaking. "It was, at first, all white. It kept flashing but, in between them, I saw the Science Compound. I recognised the walls and the floors. And then, my parents."

My voice had begun to tremble. Finn pulled himself along the ground until he was sat beside me. He raised his arm and placed it around my shoulders. I didn't realise I was shivering till then. I bent my head to rest on his chest.  The cogs turned in my mind and a potential cause for the problem came through. But it was so out-there that I did not want to mention it.

"Maybe you are just missing them? You haven't seen them since the change." He didn't sound convinced.

"Could be," I lied, my voice near silent. Families don't usually visit for the first few weeks to give people time to settle in. But visits are scheduled for this weekend. I felt Finn's head rest onto mine, spreading his warmth.

"Finn?"

"Yeah?" His voice vibrated through his chest.

I took a breath before saying, "I need to know what's going on."

He didn't respond, except for the nod I felt on my head.

I found the rest of the day that I couldn't focus on anything. Even when I was working in kitchen, it was as if there was a cloud hanging over my brain. I just wanted to be alone to think, but I didn't want to go back to the dorm. I thought too soon because it seemed just as the thought passed, one of the seniors came over to me. She mentioned something about me looking ill and told me to go talk a walk. I was ushered outside and was directed off.

Outside was quiet, most people were in work or school. I wrapped my arms around myself as I watched my feet kick at the stones. What am I going to do? I need to find out what's going on with my head.

*****

I couldn't avoid going to bed, it was inevitable. As I walked into the room, my eyes immediately connected with the bottle of pills that had rolled behind a dresser. I knew I would have to pick them up and put them back before someone saw them. But I was too afraid of what would happen if I tried to hold them again. I watched Emily wandering around her bed and beckoned her over.

"What?" she asked jokingly.

Pointing to the container, I asked in a hushed voice, "Could you pick that up for me?"