Once In A Lifetime One Shots

Diary Entry #3

I've always believed that in every dream, a dreamer is behind them, imagining outcomes and working to put those creative motions into reality.

Dreamers are the kind of people who have ideals as they experiment if those ideals will benefit them or society.

Mostly, everyone is a dreamer. Always trying to change things. The funny part is, their intentions are good but the outcome is mostly the same: horrible.

I should be dreaming right now, in a literal way. As in sleep but for the past 3 years, this has always been how I consume the time I should spent on closing my eyes and drifting off to Wonderland. I never have a permanent time to rest for I spent all my rest time into making music in my software, writing either song lyrics, essays, poetry, or other literary works and posting them on Wattpad as a cry for help to people who care and masturbating to pictures of men that I find hot who are in situations like BDSM and the like, who doesn't want a helpless handsome guy in their bedroom all tied up and penetrated? Even better, he's called your boyfriend (soon to be husband).

I will not go into details with how I love my men because it's simply our business, me and future man. I do, however, will go into details of why I do all these things when I should've rest.

First, the masturbation is an act I do not because I'm always horny but because whenever I jerk myself off, I feel like I'm with a man who is there for me. I have friends but not the kind of friends who will distract me from what my mind is always doing to me. It's unhealthy because I am not happy with the reality that I am weird and alone when I should've been an artist who's out there, connecting with people on a mainstream level.

Jerking myself off is my medicine that I always do whenever I'm in my dark place, it's the only one I can cling unto, my own erect penis. It may not be well endowed but it's not with the size, it's how it makes you feel. I feel bad for looking at those men, to be honest. They're all innocent people stuck in an image and video wherein their innocence are lost and it pisses me off as to how women get help for their sex addiction but men don't, instead society label them as rapists. (I am not hating on women, it's just me pointing out what I have learned from such a judgmental society).

Let me get back on track, as I've said, I should be sleeping. Instead, I'm writing here. My mind has its moments wherein I'm stuck in the dark but I don't feel anxiety or fear, I feel anger.

Anger because whenever I go to sleep, I will always dream of things I want more than anything in the world but when I wake up, reality hits me.

I'm the eldest son, pressured with the task to help my family get out of poverty as my folks are growing old and tired. I have two siblings who aren't even teenagers yet, who are still babies. No pressure there.

Then I go to school, people always try and tear me down because I'm overconfident, go home and get scolded about my overconfidence, hang out with friends who have more polarizing opinions about me that I am certainly exhausted. I'm exhausted with the act of replying and letting them know that I am never going to be someone they want me to be because I am the perfect version of Vermon. A fat guy who is flexible (literally), can run fast, is a bit of an acrobat, and has a good stamina (others will argue with the last part).