Once In A Lifetime One Shots

Diary #11 - Fade

I am not fading. The love I have for others are. Not kindness but rather the inability to love another man or love friends.

I can't be friends with people who continuously want to know my side, as if they can understand when all their life, privilege followed them.

None of them knows what's it like for your dreams to be taken away, no one knows how hard it felt to fight for it and get it back.

I went through hell, I'm voyaging through heaven now.

Nothing is ever sincere in this world aside from survival. I survive. People survive.

I just can't see myself wanting to live a life of a survivor with people who are never feeling what I am feeling. People who don't know what it felt like.

What it feels like to fight for your right, the liberating feeling of claiming what's rightfully yours.

Here I am, in the kitchen, making deserts. I am comfortable being alone. I am happy by myself. I don't need to be friends with "woke people". The people who think they're better than everybody else because they think they've been through it all.

I've got so much to learn and separating myself from a slow, illuminated society will help improve myself.

Society includes the bullies. Bullies that support their idea of a certain belief and tries to shove it down everyone's throats.

Their own ideas of liberation, feminism, homosexuality, conservationism, and the like are just harming what life is about.

Life's always been queer. Life's always been equal. Bullies just tend to become the focus.

I am done living in a world where there are people who wear rose colored glasses. People who bully others to get what they want.

They will all fade.

And to K, my man. I love you. I will always do but you'll never understand and as much as you will soon say you'll be there for me, I won't believe it. I'm only there for me.

Nobody needs to save me. I save myself. I've proven that when my so called close friends abandoned me in the middle of the mountain.

People always say I love you to each other without even knowing what that means.

I now know what love means and I am incapable of giving my all to a man who was born and raised in a first world country. Born in privilege.

I'm ending this entry by saying the truth: I am happy being alone but I am sad that life had to lead me to this road. There's always tomorrow. I won't ever kill myself for there is always a sunrise. There's always a new day.

Pic above is the view of my balcony.