Whats A Soulmate? (Camren)

"That's My Girl"

"Don't go, please just stay. It's you, it's always been you. Only you."

[Camila]

I am brought back to reality by laughter in the room, the laughs belonging to my two girls. Amelia and Emma, they're being attacked by their mother with tickles causing their uncontrollable contagious laughter. I love my girls and I love how Lauren is with the girls, especially with Amelia.

She's been having a rough time lately, always missing Lauren and Emma. As soon as the girls were old enough Lauren and I sat them down and explained our living situation but also insisted that we are still a family. It worked for the most part, though lately with both the girls getting older and Amelia especially growing a bit bolder in her rebellious ways she's been acting out a bit. Talking back at school, her grades have dropped, she snuck out a couple times; well tried to, I've caught her at every attempt. Skipping her after school activities entirely like softball and cheer, and I recently found out she trashed the music room at her school with some 'new friends'.

I called Lauren right away and she flew here alone on the first flight out to talk to Amelia. The both of us sat her down to try and get to the root of what her issue was. Turns out, it was us. She had expressed how this whole living situation was making her unstable which made me think back to my last conversation with Lauren before the move.

"Was I wrong for leaving?"
"Should I have tried harder to stay?"
"To make her want me to stay?"
"Why didn't she come after me?"
"Why didn't she come after us?"

I've pondered these questions in my head for the better part of ten years. I always told myself that she just didn't want us- that she just didn't want me anymore.

Looking at her now, with our growing daughters loving life to the fullest; they are what make her smile so bright...... and then I also see her. Her other reason to smile just a little brighter; Lucy.

Lauren and Lucy have been on and off for awhile now. At the beginning I appreciated that Lauren didn't introduce her to the girls right away, even though they've been life long friends and basically been on and off since we were all teens which obviously included before and after I came and went from the picture. Though, the longer she stayed in Lauren's life the more Emma noticed there was a women other than me in the picture which brought up questions Lauren eventually had to answer. Later on Emma and Amelia both were officially introduced to Lucy as Lauren's girlfriend on their six month anniversary while Amelia was spending her spring break in Florida.

Lucy adores the girls, she obviously sees more of Emma but she shows the same amount of care to each of them. I watch the four of them from across the room and I can't help but think they make the picture perfect family. Lauren in the middle with Lucy on her lap; Emma and Amelia on either side of them, each has an arm wrapped around a girl and they are all laughing and enjoying their time together.

I almost feel guilty for even thinking this because at first I was so on board that she was attending the trip but ............I can't help but think "Why is she here?"  She literally has no reason to be here, this is Emma and Amelia's birthday trip. Nothing having to do with her. She doesn't need to concern herself, or get involved, she's not their mama, she's not their mommy, she's not their mother. She's- she's nothing.

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Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday Emma and Lia, Happy Birthday to you.