madhouse / fillie

Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

Millie's POV

It was now Tuesday night, and I laid in my bed, not doing any of my homework. I laid in silence, lost in my thoughts. My phone buzzed a few times next to me, and when I looked down, I noticed it was Finn. I still hadn't told him what happened with Jaeden because I knew he would freak out about it. I ignored the vibrations of my phone and continued to lay there, when suddenly everything hit me. I'm not exactly sure why, but it hit me hard. My past, my depression, the mental hospital, school, Jaeden, Sadie, Finn-everything. Soon after, tears started to stream down my face, and I didn't try and stop them. I didn't try calming down, I didn't wipe the tears away, instead, I let it all out. I sobbed for a long time, until I eventually fell asleep. 

The next morning I stood at my locker, getting all of the books I needed for the day. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Finn running up to me.

"Millie," he said out of breath, "are you okay? I wa-" 

"I'm fine, Finn," I smiled, "I'm sorry you were worried. I just needed the night to myself to just.. to just think about some things."

"And you're sure everything is okay?" 

"Yes, Finn, perfectly fine," I hugged him, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, I was just worried," he smiled faintly, lightly tugging on the curls behind my ear. 

I grabbed his hand, and we began to walk to class. As we walked down the hallway, I noticed Jaeden talking to Jack and Wyatt, laughing. I picked up my pace slightly, Finn still holding my hand. Finn looked over at me, giving me a look of confusion.

"I just don't wanna be late to class," I let out a small laugh. 

"Oh don't worry," Finn pulled out his phone, "we still have a couple minutes." 

"Oh," I looked down, "good." 

"Hey," he said after a few moments, "I wanna take you somewhere tonight."

"On a Wednesday night?" I laughed. 

"Yeah." 

"Alright, what time?" 

"I'll pick you up at 6:30, okay?" 

"I'll be ready," I smiled. 

He kissed me on the forehead and let go of my hand once he dropped me off at my first class. 

"I'll see you later, Mills," he smiled, already halfway down the hall. 

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"I'm leaving, I'll see you in a couple hours!" I said, heading towards the front door. 

"You're going out?" My mom asked as she walked up to me. 

"Yeah, just for a little while with Finn."

"Not too late, hun, it's a school night." 

"Bye!" I rushed out of the front door, running to Finn's truck parked out front. 

Finn's POV

"Hey, gorgeous," I greeted Millie as she climbed into the truck. She strapped on her seat belt and I reached over, putting my hand just above her knee. 

"Let's do this," she smiled. 

I knew something had been up the last couple of days. She hadn't been the same, and I wanted to try cheering her up. We drove for a little while until we had finally arrived. I pulled to the side of the road, where a rocky cliff was attached, overlooking the entire city. I got out of the car and opened her door, grabbing her hand. I held a cold bottle of liquor in my other hand, which is something that she had requested.  I lead her to the edge of the rocky cliff, holding her hand tightly. We took a seat, letting our legs hang freely off the edge. 

"Wow," she whispered in amazement, "this is incredible." She looked at the city that lay just below us, lights illuminating the sky, going on for thousands of miles. The skies were painted vibrant pinks and oranges as the sun set, and stars slowly started to appear. I watched her and smiled, amused by how shocked she was. Warm breezes surrounded us, causing her short curly hair to blow around in the wind. She closed her eyes, taking it all in, slightly swaying with the movements of the wind. 

"Kind of reminds you of our first date, doesn't it?" 

She laughed, her eyes still closed. "That was one amazing night," she opened her eyes, "that was the happiest I'd been in awhile." 

"And what about right now?" I smiled. 

"Couldn't be more perfect," she whispered, a faint smile appearing across her pink lips. 

We stayed silent for a few minutes after that. I watched as she inhaled deep breaths, admiring the city just below us. 

She reached over for the bottle of alcohol, taking a large sip. She swallowed it with no problem, unlike the other night at the party. 

"I thought you weren't supposed to be drinking with your meds?" 

She paused for a minute, staring down at her lap. "I stopped taking my meds.." she trailed off.

"What, why?" 

"They're pointless, Finn," she continued to stare forward, "no pill can fix the damage done."

"Millie, what are you talking about?" I asked calmly.

She took another large sip. "There's no pill that can make me happy, Finn. I'm always gonna have this pit in my stomach. I can be at my happiest and this same feeling of sadness can still fucking overcome it." She stopped for a moment. Because she is so small, I noticed the alcohol already taking slight effect on her. She slowly shook her head as a few tears tried to escape from her eyes. 

"I have you trapped, Finn. It's impossible to love someone like me," she shook her head, "it's impossible. I'm a fucking bomb waiting to be set off." She looked over at me, tears soaking her rosy cheeks. She glanced back down at her lap, playing with her thumbs. "I'm just a freak from a madhouse, right?" She muttered. 

I was stunned. I felt my heart drop as I watched her, the pain visible in her face. 

"Jaeden talked to you again, didn't he?" I said, my throat closing up. 

"He's right.  I'm a fucking frea-" 

"Millie, stop," I shook my head, "you're the best fucking girl I've met. If nobody else sees that, then they're the ones with issues. Your depression, your scars... those things aren't what define you, Millie." I stopped for a moment, exhaling deeply.  "And I swear to fucking God, the next time Jaeden says something to you, I'm gonna beat his ass." I clenched my fist, unknowingly. 

As we stayed silent for a few moments, I watched her as another gust of wind blew. She took another sip of the alcohol, handing the bottle to me. 

"It's funny," she grinned, "how thousands of simple lights can make up something so gorgeous." 

I never realized how much she loved lights until that moment. The Ferris wheel, her bedroom, the stars, the city, everything. I thought about the way her eyes glistened every time she was surrounded by lights, and the way she sat in silence, taking it all in. 

"Why do you love lights so much?" I asked, watching her.

She continued to stare at the city, her eyes slightly closed. "I guess when you're full of so much darkness you need something to try and brighten everything up." She took the bottle one last time, taking a big sip.