daddy. // the 1975

twenty seven // home sweet hole

"so, you have to go?" joel whined.
"yes!" i said all too excitedly. alissa informed me of a shoot in new york i needed to do, so i immediately booked a flight home the next day. i told them i would be coming back after, but i'm not. i'm going to stay home and try to forget about this.

"you're going to come back, right?" joel whined. i smiled at him.
"i will," i lied to him with a grin. he carried my bags out to my über.

"please, be safe," he told me as i stepped inside.
"i will."

i shut the door and laid back in the seat. things can go back to normal

+

so for this next part i'm switching point of views for contrast
if anything is confusing please let me know
xoxox

matty's point of view

my mind was running everywhere. willow is mad at me, my band mates hate me, and i'm dreading every single show. i hurt willow, and that's what killed me most.

"stop stressing," ellie said, taking off her shirt.
"i don't believe that's possible," i said.
"stop thinking about her."
"you don't understand, ellie. i'm trying. you aren't giving me space," i explained. she reached down and tried to undo my belt, "this will get your mind off things."

"ellie, stop," i said sternly. she didn't stop. she continued to attempt at undoing my pants.
"ellie, i said stop," she got my pants down, i jerked back and pushed her away, "i said fucking stop."

"what's wrong with you!" she shouted, "i'm trying to help!"
"well, you're making it worse," i replied.
"fuck you, matty," she pulled her shirt back on.
"ellie, this isn't what i want. i'm sorry, but you need to go. we won't speak of this," i said to her. she walked away.

i needed to talk to willow. she deserved an apology for everything. i know it wouldn't fix everything, but it still meant something.

she's all i want.

"george," i called out. he perked his head up. "where's willow at?"
"you'd have to ask joel."

i stormed out of the bus onto wolf alice's bus.
"joel, you fucking prick, where is willow!" i shouted. everyone on the bus looked at me. joel looked stunned.
"she just left for the airport," he muttered.
"fuck!" i screamed and ran outside to a nearby taxi. "airport! hurry!" i shouted.

i scrammed out of the taxi in a rush. i ran into the airport, not even acknowledging the people around me.
"willow!" i screamed and looked around. i didn't see her. i ran over to a front desk.
"has the flight for new york left?" i asked.

"sir, it left about 15 minutes ago."

fuck. what the fuck will I do now?

+

the show that night was going miserably. jamie had been yelling at me all evening, and willow left without a goodbye.

we had one more song left. we were supposed to end with sex. i heard the boys starting up the tune for sex. before the first note hit, i decided to change things up. they could catch on.

I find it hard to say "bye bye"
Even in the state of you and I
And how can I refuse...

i looked back, george looked confused. the boys began to play along to medicine as i sang.

this one always made me think of her.

"matty, that wasn't the last song," ross said backstage.
"i know, i know," i said, "i just needed to sing that one."
"you can't keep doing that," george said, "you're a complete mess."
"i fucking get it!" i shouted. jamie walked in just as the shouting was ending.

"I want to remind everyone, our last show is next week. " the boys all looked shocked. there was supposed to be 2 more shows, and a fan signing.

"we can't do anything with matty acting this way. lana and her managers aren't liking the attention from the crowd."

i looked down and fiddled with my fingers. i ruined this. just like i ruin everything else.
"we can do our own tour on our own time, when matty gets it together!" jamie shouted.
"piss off, jamie," i screamed. i couldn't do this anymore. these people were becoming my enemies.

+

3 am.

"we need a paramedic, please!" i heard shouting. i was awake, but i couldn't move.
"hurry!" it sounded like ellie. i laid flat on my back and opened my eyes. it was dark outside, and i was laying in grass. i couldn't speak.

"they're coming, matty," she whispered. "guys!" i heard more footsteps come around me.
"oh my god," i heard someone say. everything seemed a blur. i wasn't sure what was happening.

"we're gonna get you, it's okay," i heard a woman say. i felt myself being lifted up. i opened my eyes and saw that i was being rolled into an ambulance on a gurney.

"hang in there, matty," i heard ellie whine.

but where was willow?

my voice cracked, "willow, i need her."

+

yiiiiiikes omg

u guys are the best and ily all so much

updated playlist:

arctic monkeys // mardy bum
blackbear // do re mi
knuckle puck // fences
lany // ilysb
neck deep // silver lining
twenty one pilots // taxi cab
5 seconds of summer // don't stop
the 1975 // paris