At My Kitchen Sink

Okay, Friend?

It waz the next morning. I had slapt over at Josh house last night. It is saturdday and and i get to spent the whole day with Josh at his house! he said he has something speshial planned for me.

he is still sleeping and he is so handsome, He is my little Bean :3

I learned that he talks in his sleep sometimes and it makes my heart flutter like jot butter in the sun.

when I sleeped i could feel His arms on his shounders and his breathe on my warm neck when we sharde a planket his Body wormed me up from the cold Desember night.

I Hear Him talking in his sleep, I Love You Tiler, you are So handsole and i would do anything for you"

I Love you too Josi, i say ijn my hiead, spare cheeks running down my tears, and i sniffeled loudly,

"Tyler? Are you Okay?" Joshie said sleepily
"Y-y-yeses josh i am f-f-f-fine"
"Awe tyler , what's wrong baby? i love you so much" he Kissed my forehesd as I turned Around and it made everything bbetter. I just loved Josh so much, and I do not deserve him. Because he is so beautiful, angelic, he is like an angel come to earth from Heaven. But i am me, i am disgusting, i do not even deserve to be alive. I don't deserve to even look at josh, let alone have him love me-
"Tyler, are you okay? tell me wjats wrong. you are breathing heavy "

i Took a breath and realized i had been hypervantilating. god, i am so stupid! Josh probably Hates me now because i am so annoying and disgusting ... I am such a burden and he shouldn't have to deal with me. I wish Josh hated me, this would make everything so much easier. I could go back to hating my life and i could kill myself and everyone would be happy because I am so disgusting and ugly and make everyone's life worse.

"Tyler, baby, I would never hate you! I would do anything for you... it makes me so sad when you think about yourself that way"
"Wh-wha? how Can you hear me think?"

"You Said that All outloud, tyler, You weren't Thinking it, you Said it outloud. I could hear you saying it because you were talking outloud, not thinking it."

"Oh i am s-s-so sorry J-J-Josh. i love you so much, Believe me, but I don't deserve for you to love me back-"
"Shh, Tyler baby, i love you so much. Lets go downstairs, i will make you some pakcanes . I love pancekes".

Oh no.. not pancakes.. i am allergic to pencakas, but i Cant't tell josh.. he loves them.. It's okay . I will Just eat them.. last time i ate them i Was able to breathe again after a few hours.

*1 hour later*

"The last pancake is done, Tyjo! Do you like maple syrup on your pancakes? I also like Bananas on them. i like bananas on my pancakes"

oh no, it's time ti eat the pancakes. I don't know what's going to happen, it gets worse every time i eat Them.. Hopefully Josh willnt notice.

"I will have whatever y-you have, j-j-j-Joshie."

"Okay, mappe syrupband bananas it is! i hope you Love them Tyler, They are my Grandmas recipe."
"your grandma who died?'
Tears came to Josh's eyes. "Yes, Grammy.. "

oh no, i made Josh cry. I am the worst.

I hate myself
i hate myself
I hate myself
I hate my self
i hate myself i hate myself i hate mysel- "I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM"

"Oh- ok tyler *sob*"

i run to the bathroom and lock the fdoor. I promised Josh i would stop hurting myself but I have to. I do mot deserve to be alive. I ca'nt believe i made josh cry.. The handsome beautiful kind amazing josh. I wish I was dead, I never should have Hurt him like this.

I lookeing around frantically for something, anything, that could harm me. But Josh can't know, I will put it back right after. and i will Clean it. Just . need ... Something.....

AAH! I can't find anything. I am the wirst at everything i do. Even at punishing muself for being disgusting and mean and awful!

I start scratching my skin on my arm and pulling at mu hair. Josh does not deserve to be with this monster.. I shluld just leave and never come back. He will be better off without me around, everyone will

*knock knock*
"Tyler baby, are you okay? I didnt mean to scare you ... Come eat some pancakes with me. i love you.. they will get cold"

I stand up from the cold limoleon floor, pull down my sleeves, and come out of the bathroom. Josh is standung at the door way and we both have tears in our eyes. He hugs me anf then looks into my eyes, "I love you Tuler. never forget this. You Are my Galaxy. never forget thT i am love you so much, Like more than anyone evwr loved something."
*sniffel* "more than You like Oancakes?" "Yea tyler, hahaha, i love you More then i love Pankana.,"

We walk into the kitchen, a still steaming plate of pancake on the kitchen tabel.

I sit down next to josh, and my arm Hits the tabel. "Owch,!" i say, my arm hitting the table. this is hitting the spot where i scratched my arm!

"What is It Tyler? " He sees my arm sleeve roll up to expose the scratches on my Arm.
"It is nothing Joshie, I promise..."

"Tyler, did tou scrach your arm? in my bathroom when you went in the bathroom?"" yes josh i am so sorry  plwase don't hate me. i live you i shluld not have done this to you. I am so sorry Josh, will you ever forgove me. I am so sorry. You will be better off WithOut me..."

"This is nonse nse tylwer. You Know i love yuou forever, Just as I love god forever." "Amen". Josh hugs me, and through him i feel The love of jesus. ,I can't wait to go to church with Joshua tomorrow. I love Church.

"Now, howabout we eat these Pankanes, Ty?"
he puts three oancakes on my plate with maple serup and banas. He does The same on His plate and says for me to try song.

I bite one pankace. It tastes like a wafflw. Waffles are  a very Good food, i am so glad i'm not allergic to wafles.
It also tastes like maple syrups, and I try a banana and it tastes like banana wirh maple.

Josh looks T me. "It is really good josh, it tastes just like a wa- just like a pancake. Panckanes are so good, i love to eat them! " haha.

i feel mu face getting Hot. I think it is because I am trying to hard to lie to Joshua..

I htake my second bite. It does not tastes like the first bite, it tastes vwry Mild. and i can see black dots in the side of my vision... like i am falling asleep.

i hear Josh, Distorted, "Tyler? Are you okay?"

I feel somethinf hard hit mu back, anf hear a clatter. when i look ForwRd i see the ,celiing. "Tyler?" Josh sound muffled.

The last thing i hear is "911..."

And my Vision goes black.

*Authots Notw*
Hello Thrre! :3 Thann you so much for reading! I'm sorry for my hiatus... no pun intended.. no PHUN intended.. hehe :3. my mom took my phoen away and i lost mu wattpad password! but, i kept writing the stiry in notwbooks, because i love you guys so much.
Thiz is decicaded as always to my beautiful smart funny clikkie girlfriend, Dusty. I love you so much Baby, i can't wsit to aee your feet again ;) 😘👉
i hope you all likes the story, i will be updating regularly. Sorry if it is bad, I am a failure at everything i do hehe. UwU, also sorry for rhe typos i was really Passionate while writing this and i wNted to get it to you asap, and Dusty Wanted to read it so bad. I love you baby! Thanks for reading everyone. ||-//