I realize that no one ever wants to do anything with me. When i ask for just five minutes of their time they look or walk away pretending they didnt hear me speak. Sometimes, it’s like i'm invisible, they dont notice me until i fck up. Other times, i get blamed for something i didn’t even know happened until im being blamed for it. That is why i just stay in my room doing nothing, i want to really dissappear for a while so they can truly see what it’s like without me. Would they miss me? i doubt it. They’ll probably be happy that im gone. I dont even know why the fck im still here. in this world i mean. I just feel like giving up, i HAVE been thinking about giving up for a while now. it’s just that right after i think of a way to do it, i back out. i don’t know why that happens. i just want all this to end. There are days in which i just feel sad, other days in which i feel nothing at all. Just Numb. Empty. Some days my chest hurts, like it is being compressed with something very heavy. I want to find a place that will make me happy. Where i can truly smile at least once a day.
My whole family left one day while i was sleeping. i stayed home alone all day. When they got home later that afternoon, the first thing my sister said the moment she walked in was “Dude, i forgot you existed” like why would you even say that outloud? Its not the only time. Many times they have left me alone without a word of where they were heading. Am I not part of the family? Am I just here to take up space and use up oxygen?
Im glad no one even reads my stuff. i guess i just wanted a place to keep my writing. somewhere where i know my siblings or parents can’t snoop around.
