After The Confetti Falls {Joshler}

Chapter 9: Reconciled Renegade

Soundtrack:

Chapter 4: Rooster Cogburn In Indian Territory - Levi The Poet: (J to T)

"I've heard tales of lovers being broken by the bullets we call our parents."

Mess Is Mine - Vance Joy: (T to J)

"This mess was yours, now your mess is mine. Bring me to your house, tell me you're "sorry for the mess", hey, I don't mind. You're talking in your sleep. Out of time, but you still make sense to me. Your mess is mine."

First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes: (T to J) 

"This is the first day of my life. I swear, I was blind before I met you. I was out in the rain, suddenly everything changed. You're spreading blankets on the beach."

Dead Sea - The Lumineers: (J to T)

"You told me I was like the Dead Sea; you'd never sink when you are with me." 

Sun - Sleeping at Last: (T to J)

"Every time we open up our eyes. I guess space, and time, takes violent things, angry things and makes them kind."

Sweet Thing - Hozier: (J to T)

"You shall take me strongly in your arms again, while I still wonder if I ever felt the pain."

Bloom - The Paper Kites: (T to J)

"Shall I write it in a letter? Shall I try to get it down? Boy, you fill my head with pieces of a song I can't get out. Can I be close to you?"

Venice - Lighthouse and The Whaler: (T to J)

"In your eyes I have seen all the feeling and the rain. Death is cold, death is sure. Why don't we all fall in love?"

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~t.w~ 

"I want to love, but my hair smells of war, and running, and running." - Warsan Shire

Tyler clings to Josh like he'll fall away if he doesn't, like he's the last beautiful thing in this world, and Josh holds him steady, constant, gentle. It's like for a minute he forgets the past months and the reason he left. Because his arms feel like they did years ago, safe. But beautiful things don't last, I guess that's what makes them beautiful. He feels Josh's body pull away, and his arms fall down to his sides. Tyler's face scrunches up in confusion, and then his heart beats faster with the fear looming that Josh is going to leave again, that he's going to find a way to tell him why he can't stay.

"Tyler. I love you, I do, but I think you're not thinking clearly right now. I am glad you've forgiven me, believe me I am, but I don't think it's a good idea to move too quickly. You don't even know why I was away for so long, or where I was, and I'm sure you're still very hurt by it all, I think you should have some space to think. I'm not going anywhere again if that's what you're afraid of."  Josh says, and Tyler is confused by this. He tries to scan Josh's face to make sense of the words he just spoke, and Josh looks different. His eyes look far away, his mouth is a straight line, he looks like there's something swirling around in his head that he isn't saying.

"Why you were away so long? But you told me why, Josh. Cause you didn't want to hurt me, which by the way, you did just that by trying to avoid it." Tyler says with a bitter tone, a small part of him still hoping Josh has some explanation actually worth hearing. 

"I'm so sorry I hurt you, believe me I am, but it wasn't how you think it was. That's not why. That was the motivation to leave, but I never planned to be away so long, and certainly not without talking to you." Josh says looking into his eyes, and Tyler can tell they're genuine. Josh can never lie to him.