Fate

Chapter Ten: My Heartbreak.

Waking up, I had tears streaming down my face, sitting up in the bed staring ahead of me, to the blank wall, wishing there was something there other than bland paint, so I could get my mind off of this.

In these three/four weeks, I would wake up out of my sleep thinking of her, unless Caldron was near, which he had been for the past few days. I hadn't not woken up from my sleep in forever it seemed.

At least being around him wasn't a complete waste if my time. At least the wasted time spent with him was pain free, but definitely wasn't awkward and smarta** proof....but I was guilty of causing both of those things....it wasn't a one sided thing.

Whether I liked it or not, wanted or not........his presence calmed me down. Did I like it? Hell no. Did I want it? What do you think....of course not!

I take myself out of my aggressive thoughts to be take back to the sad ones.

Trying to turn the pain and sadness back into anger towards Caldron, just.......isn't doing it anymore.

I had to get over it. But how?

I wanted my momma she wouldn't what to do. A heartbreaking sob escapes my lips as I remember her. I couldn't have my momma ever again. I could never seek her comfort. I hoped I could seek Caldron for help without having my pride in shreds. Or not have to ask at all, and get through this.

I hear a distant bed creaking, who I guess was Caldron trying to get up to consol me. Thank God. Maybe I could stare at him instead of the boring wall.

I hear the tentive footsteps at the door, that stops, turns back, but then walks back to the door slowly, as if having a silent war in the direction to walk.

He wasn't sure what to do. Come in here a risk rejection, and then Bam. Fate comes out to play.

Or walk away and make me feel he didn't care, or didn't want to help, or just make him look like a chicken for not at least trying.

I'm guessing it was a mix of all four.

He opens the door slowly staring at my sobbing form, making sure I didn't feel to uncomfortable. I just try to keep the sobs it, ending up making my throat close up more, and nose clog. So I just let it out.

I was trying not to cry........trying my hardest not to. So badly did I want to keep up my facade, but on the inside I was truly broken. I had lost not only my mother, only guardian and best friend.....but I lost my title as only child, and was denounced to orphan. I had no one left.

He walks over to me slowly, as if I was an injured animal.
I sure felt like one.

He sits on the edge of the bed with a guilty expression, the bed creaking under the weight. He knew his demon-like fourth side of his soul, was the cause of this. And he was helping me physically. But his presence was not helping mentally nor emotionally. It was just making me feel worse, the guilt of not letting him help me taking over more than any other emotion..

The fact that the person who did this was the person I am destined for, is unfathomable. The fact that I couldn't hate him without immense pain, and agony, the fact that I can't leave him, or reject him without risking my soul, was heartbreaking and contradicting. It was hard to deal with.

No rejecting.

No leaving.

No hating.

No despising.

No separation, no space, no happiness, no relief.....Only him.

I stare at him and see the regret. I wish instead of him, that Fate felt that way. That the jealous side of him didn't exist. That we didn't have to hate each other, or anything, but just simply be.