Living The Dream (Nightmares are dreams too)

Into the Club

With a little swing in my step, I left the bathroom, using a towel to dry myself off. I fished my phone out of my backpack and plugged it into the charger. Then I connected it via Bluetooth to my speaker next to my laptop on my white workdesk. The speaker was white too. I liked the pure colour.
I cranked up the music and started to dance to the beat. Opening my closet while swinging my hips ferociously, I ran a hand down the possible outfits I could choose from. There was a nice black dress with a Bordeaux red stripe going from the right shoulder down to the left thigh. My usual leather outfit, black jeans with a black Top and a leather jacket with leather boots. I stroked the soft leather, felt the familiar texture. It looked really awesome but I felt like it didn't fit the situation. In the end I chose a Bordeaux Top that showed my  muscular and refined arms, the cleavage was an extra plus. I put on some hot-pants even though it was still snowing. I was immune to temperatures so it didn't bother me.

I stuffed a few things into a small handbag, ruffled through my hair and stared at myself in the mirror. Did I look okay? I huffed and went back into the bathroom to put on some light lipstick and eyeliner. One last check and I approved. I looked better than most days so I should be fine. While throwing over a leather jacket, I reached for my keys. My fingers were shaking. Carefully I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This was okay. The people didn't know what I was. They wouldn't treat me like a lesser worm. And even if they did... I was used to wearing my cold and distant mask. It saved my life or the life of others a few times.
Puffing out my cheeks, I opened my eyes again. It was dark outside. I closed the curtains. This time when I reached for the keys, my fingers didn't shake. I smiled to myself. My fingers wrapped around the metal. "Let's go!", I encouraged myself.
The night could be so silent but this one wasn't one of those. The city was crowded, everyone wanted to check out the new club. There were balloons in fiery red, orange and yellow, glowing billboards and a red carpet for the queuing area. All of this stood in stark contrast to the old brick design of the building itself. It was so loud with all of the people chattering but there was a feeling of eery silence creeping out of the walls. It felt to me almost as if someone had tried their best to draw a happy scenery over a portrait of lonelieness.

I had to queue for at least half an hour. While being squished between many harshly perfumed women and men, I listened to their conversations to distract me. Ten people in front of me was a doctor-to-be, he told his girlfriend stories about strange events that happened while he was on duty. There was a guy who just happened to have pushed a spray can up his rear, a woman that couldn't get her handbag vibrator out of her downstairs, someone who had nails pushed up his dingdong and blamed his girlfriend for it, and many more.
I grinned. It seemed to be such a casual conversation to them that they didn't noticed everyone around them glancing at them. I snickered. There was so much life here. And no hatred. It seemed to slowly fill me up, energize me, stuff the hole that was in my chest since I could remember. The dread I usually felt when I was in masses of people seemed to have been snuffed out. Could it be this strange place that made exceptions? Before I even knew it, I was at the front of the queue. The bouncer looked at me and I smiled at him. An honest smile coming from deep within thanks to all the energy bubbling and sizzling inside of me. He checked my ID, nodded and let me in. The next group was rejected since I seemed to have been the last to fit in. They would have to wait for someone to leave.
I was inside. I looked up and giggled. When had I ever felt this alive?