Kellard- A Gerard Way and Kellin Quinn fanfiction

Goodbye

Kellin's P.O.V

Fuck Gerard. Fuck him and his indecisiveness. He slept with me and then kicked me out of his bed. And what had I done? Made a complete fool of myself and started crying, which, might I add, I'm almost certain he heard.

It had been two days...And I still hadn't got up. I just couldn't. I just kept telling myself that he did what he did because of my imperfections and then proceeded to single them out for hours until I felt completely worthless. I've been depressed before, but never this bad. I just wished I was any other person but me. Maybe if I was prettier or skinnier Gerard would love me. Maybe I'd be enough for him.

But then I just remembered that I couldn't change who I was. 

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The next day I got drunk. Wasted actually. Luckily, Gerard was out so I could mope around freely without having to be embarrassed. I laid on my bed, feeling sorry for myself. I had tears streaming down my face which was now a common thing.

I honestly wanted to die. I mean it wasn't like my band was overly popular yet so only a small number of people would notice I was gone. I know I sounded like I was overreacting. But, before Gerard I saw myself being alone forever and he was the only one who made me feel brave enough to come out about my being gay. And then he just left.

I'd never be able to tell anyone about my sexuality. I'd never be able to tell people how I really felt. I'd never love someone and no one would ever love me. And I just couldn't face the rest of my life alone. 

And knowing I had no other choice made me want to die. In fact I'd been planning my suicide for the past couple of days.  I didn't even feel the need for a note. No one would notice I was gone anyway.

And it was just my luck that everybody had gone out leaving just me in. And they'd be gone for the next couple of hours. I went into the bathroom and dug out every pill bottle I could find and emptied them onto the bathroom floor and started swallowing them dry. 10...20...40...I lost count. I laid down, feeling dizzy and nauseous and started studying the specks on the tiles lining the ceiling. I smiled, knowing I wouldn't have to hurt for much longer. I felt my heartbeat slowing and the blackness consuming me.

Before I let my eyes slide shut I saw my beautiful Gerard looming over me, being illuminated like an angel by the bathroom light.

I smiled.

He'd come to say goodbye.

A/N- I am so so so so so sorry I haven't updated for ages. I had writers block and I didn't want to write a shitty chapter. Also, I know very little about depression and suicide so I am simply writing from my experience of reading and watching stuff about it. Sorry if you disagree with it but it's the best I could do. Apart from that I hope you enjoy it! I'll try and update soon!