Kellard- A Gerard Way and Kellin Quinn fanfiction

"Did he shove the pills down your throat?"

Kellin's P.O.V

Just like he vowed to not hurt me, I vowed to myself that I wouldn't let him hurt me. I wouldn't let my walls down with him. I'd turned off my emotions before, I was positive I could do it again. I would become unaffected. Empty. Numb. It had to be better than the chance of pain that brought me to attempt suicide in the first place. Now I just needed to get out of the hospital and it would be fine. Luckily, I'd just had to have my stomach pumped and that was it, the pills hadn't begun to take affect yet so I had no altercations. And as the doctors thought this was my first suicide attempt, the doctors weren't sending me to a therapist. Thank God.

        

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The next day I was released and luckily our bus would be fixed the next day, so I only had to endure Gerard's adorableness for the night.

He'd never left my side, bringing me whatever I needed, helping me get to the bathroom and back and just generally being good company. Even though I was thankful for him, I felt suffocated. It doesn't help that the one person I was trying to avoid was constantly with me. I just wanted to talk to Gabe. I knew I could trust Gabe. We both spoke to each other and trusted each other with our lives.

I managed to sneak in a talk with him when Gerard went to get me some coffee, as well as some for himself (obviously).

"Hey, Gabe?" I stuttered out.

"Yeah, Kel." He looked up from his phone.

"I don't want Gerard to be here anymore." I said, with tears forming in my eyes.

"Why not? He's done so much for you don't you think you should be grateful." He asked, seemingly annoyed.

"He's the reason I'm here in the first place." I stated.

"Did he shove the pills down your throat?" I could see him getting more and more angered. God, I should have just kept my mouth shut.

"Well, no-"

"Shut up then. Even if he's the reason you were so upset, he was unaware of it. You haven't been at the bus, Kel! He's cried himself to sleep every night, not to mention that he's had to have a bottle of vodka just to calm himself down that much!"

"I-I.." Tears fell from my eyes.

"Stop being so goddamned selfish! Did you bother to think about the band?! About me?! You're my bestfriend, Kel! And you were going to kill yourself just because your silly celebrity crush doesn't like you! Grow up!" And with that, he stormed out the door,  being sure to slam it on his way out. I cringed, listening to his angry footsteps clatter down the hall. I waited till they were out of earshot and looked down at my hands, tears dropping down onto them. Luckily I was already quite numb so the pain wasn't as bad as it should have been. But the realisation of how much of a prick I am was still fresh in my mind. Selfish. Waste of space. Useless. Worthless. Empty.