The Turn Around.

The Transition.

I had started to play with the emo/goth/punk/scene styles during the summer between 8th and 9th grade. I had always found that look attractive for some reason.

I bought colorful skinny jeans and lots of graphic T-shirts, and I started to wear dark eyeliner. (see picture. THATS ME.)

In the beginning of 9th grade, I cut all my hair off.

It went from hanging down by my arm pits, to coming up a little above my jaw line.

I met a guy, who has impacted my life greatly and frankly I don't think I will ever be able to get rid of him.

His name is Brendan.

Brendan and I met and instantly liked each other.

The first time, we only dated for 2 weeks. But I fell for him VERY hard.

He was my first real kiss and my first real love.

I confessed my feelings for him, even though we had only been dating for half a month.

A few days after I told him he broke up with me.

I don't even remember what his reason for breaking up with me was, but I do remember that it ended my world.

I couldn't even look at Bren without crying. So every class that I had with him (which was 3 out of 6 and throw in lunch) I put my head down on the desk and let my hoodie cover my face.

He obviously saw how down I was so I don't know why I tried to hide my tears from him.

He still wanted to be my friend. And I wanted a relationship with him, but for me I wanted so much more than friendship.

So I found a way to cope with the pain that was not crying every time I saw his blue eyes and blonde hair.

I started cutting myself.

I cut up my arms and wrists.

I was pretty ashamed of it so I wore long sleeves.

My parents were unaware until after I had already defeated the cutting issue (I'll tell you more about that later).

When Bren found out about the cutting, he took me back, and we dated for a grand total of 7 days. Then he broke up with me for some other goth chick named Hope.

Again, I was devistated. I would still hurt myself. But I refused to let anyone know about it after that little secret was leaked.

I was much better at hiding my pain that time.

I was actually starting to talk to a new boy who's name was Michael.

Michael and I were just about to date when Brendan sweeped back in and told me he loved me and wanted me back.

I wanted to be strong enough to say he was too late.

But I wasn't.

I loved him so much.

Michael was a little bit hurt but I think he got over it pretty quickly.

Brendan and I fell madly in love with each other and our relationship was great. Aside from the fact that my parents could never know about us because I wasn't technically suposed to have a boyfriend until I was 16 years old.

One day my sister and I went to the mall to go see a movie. The movie was Avatar if I remember correctly.

I called Bren and told him to meet me there.

So he did.

My sister swore she wouldn't tell mom about it.

And I believed her.

But when we got home she posted on facebook: Got 3rd wheeled at the movies.

Smooth move sis.

Anyway my mom saw it and found out about Brendan and I.

And more trouble arrived.