The Turn Around.

The Spiral.

Yes I told her off.

Very loudly might I add.

There was also cussing.

LOTS of cussing.

And my fist was ready to punch because she was obviously scared and she kept acting like she didnt know what I was talking about. It was seriously beginning to piss me off.

Luckily Randy noticed my hands starting to ball up into fists and she pulled me away to talk it out with me.

I didn't beat the girl up, but we always had problems. (I'll get into that later.)

Anyway, Jordan moved and I pretty much spiraled all the way back down to where I was.

Started cutting again.

Suicidal thoughts and such.

This time I took it to an even bigger extreme because I didn't have Ben to keep me in line.

I pierced my lips and nose.

And I wrote words with the cuts on my arms, legs, and stomach.

Words like:

Hate

Die

Broken

and a whole sloo of cuss words that I will not right on this story.

And my relationship with God at this point was probably at its lowest.

I hated God.

And I felt like God hated me.

It was awful.

I cried all the time. and I mean ALL the time.

When I finally had a sense of peace without Jordan, and started making new friends, I looked to superficial things for happiness.

I shoplifted and got arrested.

I experimented with bi-sexuality.

I started going to parties all the time and getting in to dangerous things.

I got messed up every weekend and made out with a different guy.