Shawn Mendes Imagines

29. 13 reasons why (tape 11)

A/N: HOLY FRACKEN LACKEN SHIT THANKS FOR OVER 3K READS !! IM HONESTLY SO SPEECHLESS. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH <33

So i know i already did a 13 reasons why tribute, but i got a request to do a second part. However, instead of doing a continuation, im going to do Clay's tape, but with Shawn. This part got me so f'ed up man. Hopefully you guys enjoy it! xo

Again, credits to the author Jay Asher. I do NOT own anything unless stated otherwise.

QOTP: what is your lockscreen currently?
A: HARRY STYLES <33

Unedited, so it's probably meh.

~

Shawn's POV

"She's such a... bitch!" I yell frustratedly, "she had no idea what was going on in her life."
Tony doesn't take his eyes off the road, "you don't know what's going on in hers." I scoff, and look out the window of his mustang, "would you like, shut up?" Tony looks at me momentarily.

"I'm so sick of your little sayings, acting all wise.. you're like an unhelpful yoda." He raises his eyebrow, "is that a crack on my height?"
I shake my head and roll my eyes, pulling out the walkman. Tony stops me, and I grunt, getting annoyed with his presence.

"Unhelpful yoda, unhelpful yoda." I mock him, gripping the Walkman tighter as my anxiety begins to build.

Tony just continues to drive, his eyes not once leaving the road as we passed endless roads; my eyes chasing the lights as I stared blankly out the window.

-

We pull up onto a cliff, Tony slowly bringing the car to a stop, and then facing me.
"Now you can get out of the car," he says, but I shake my head and stare at the walkman.

"I'm fine in the car," I breathe and Tony nods, leaving the car, "I'll be outside if you need me."

I stare at the royal blue painted eleven for what seems like an eternity before I decide to finally slip it in. I hold my breath, pressing play.

Shawn... guitar.. You don't deserve to be on this list with the others.. but if I'm going to tell my story, the reason why I did what I did, then you have to be here. The night we kissed at Jessica's party, I wanted you to do everything that you were doing because I thought at that moment, life could be perfect.

And I know you felt it too..

I pause the tape and bite my lip, a tear escaping my eye as I look into the distance, watching the sparkling lights as they flickered. I sigh, closing my eyes, and pressing play once more.

But then you became every other guy, but the truth is.. you're not. You're different, a decent kind of different. And I  knew I couldn't be with someone like you.  You're sweet, funny, and just amazing. I wanted you to stay that night so badly, but I knew I couldn't do that to you..

I press pause once more, and remove the headphone from my ears. I yank the door open and slam it shut as I approach the edge of the cliff.

"Whoa, whoa Shawn, get back from the edge," I hear Tony call out to me, but the tears keep flowing as I look down to see nothing but the darkness and despair of the night.

"Did I kill Y/N Y/L/N?" I confront Tony, my hands moving to my hair as I grab it in anger and sadness.

"No," he says calmly, "we all had a part in it." I just shake my head, refusing to believe him.

"DID I KILL Y/N Y/L/N?!" I scream again, but this time, Tony lowers his head.

"Yes." He replies.

And at that point, I completely lose it. Tony notices and rushes over to me just as I just collapse into his arms. He comforts me, "it's okay, Shawn, it's not your fault." But I just continue to cry, my chest tightening with every one of Y/N's words lingering in my mind.

I should've known better. If only that night I would've stayed, but I didn't.. And I wish I did. I was petrified to think that I had done something so terribly wrong that she wanted me to leave, but in fact, it was the opposite. As badly as I wanted to stay, my head told me to leave, and I did.

If only I hadn't have left, Jessica wouldn't have gotten raped, Sheri wouldn't have knocked the stop sign down, and Jeff would've still been alive. Better yet, Y/N would've still been here, but she's not.. and it was all because I was too afraid to love her.

~

A/N: I hope you guys liked this chapter! it was kind of emotional to write, but this is the last 13 reasons why tribute in this book aha I'm sure y'all are tired of it now :p

As always, I hope you guys have a lovely week, and Stay Rad. XO

Should I maybe do something for like 3k reads? perhaps a Q&A? or like special event type thing? idk let me know in the comments!

With much love,

- Allie 💕