"what if the only way to stop feeling broken, was to stop feeling anything at all?"
;
text from: ethan
'y/n come overrrr'
you smile a bit, and wipe off your phone screen.
'cant e, im busy'
ethan is typing...
'doing what?'
'crying.' you erase the word and type something new.
'homework. sorry'
ethan is typing...
'ugh. okay'
you click your phone off and go back to sitting down.
you decide to go to bed, even though it's only 7 pm.
;
"hey, y/n!" you whip your head around to see ethan.
your sweet, adorable, ethan.
he was your happiness.
"can you come over today?"
'um, yeah. sure."
ethan flashes a big smile at you.
class goes by fast. you barely catch a thing.
'it's like life is going too fast for me. everything is moving so fast.' you think to yourself.
you go on the bus and keep to yourself, like you always do. you get off at the stop where ethan's house is.
"hey, so i just wanted to see how you've been doing." ethan shuts the door to his room.
"i'm fine."
"are you sure?"
"really, ethan." you force a laugh out of your mouth.
nothing feels real. it's like i'm dead.
"okay." ethan smiles sincerely at you.
he babbles on about his life, not realizing you weren't even listening.
you don't even know how much time had passed, when you started crying silently.
"y/n?" ethan puts his hand on your shoulder.
"please don't touch me." your voice quivers.
ethan grabs your hand.
"what's wrong?"
you look at him. you look at his big brown eyes, his innocent eyes.
he has no clue.
"do you really want to know?"
ethan nods.
"i don't feel anything."
he frowns.
"what do you mean?"
you chuckle, and gather your purse and other things frantically while wiping your tears.
"yeah, no. never mind, it's stupid anyway. i think i'm gonna get going."
you wake steadily towards the door, your throat tightening.
"wait, y/n!" ethan grabs your wrist.
"what's wrong with you?" he asks.
"what do you fucking want ethan?! what do you want from me?!" your voice cracks.
"i want to know what's wrong with you!" ethan shouts.
you laugh, little by little.
because you're losing your mind, and ethan has no clue at all.
"everything is wrong, ethan." you say quietly, and smile.
ethan stands there, stunned.
you start to make your way towards the door, when ethan grabs you and pulls you into his embrace.
he kisses the top of your head and cradles you, not saying a word.
before you know it, you're sobbing into his arms.
he calls his family to let them know you're staying over here, and he brings you into his room and lays you down. he gives you his fuzzy blankets and turns on your favorite TV show, and goes down to the kitchen to make you some food and tea.
he comes up with the food and sets it in front of you, and climbs into bed with you, putting his arm around your shoulders.
you start crying again.
"shhh, shh, shh. you're fine, you're okay. you're safe now." he grabs your hand and rubs his thumb against the back of it. "eat, y/n."
after a while, ethan asks if you want to tell him what's wrong.
"okay."
"okay, i'm listening."
"recently, i was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety."
"y/n..."
"shhh, let me finish."
he nods.
"so, my home life isn't really great, as you know."
you take a deep breath.
"i, well. i tried to kill myself."
ethans eyes start to tear up.
"y/n."
you smile.
"i'm okay now, ethan. really."
he nods, and pulls you closer to him.
and then the cycle will start all over again.
