Like Catching a Snowflake

Chapter 45 : Hanna

Hanna

 I sighed and looked into the sunset as a pair of arms wrapped themselves around me. Regret. It’s definitely not a happy emotion. It had been a whole year worth of regret. The battle was tomorrow and if I died, I wouldn’t be happy with my life. Ever since Simon had saved me from the Death Eaters it had been a roller coaster of emotion that I had never thought possible.

“Hanna,” whispered a husky voice in my ear.

I sighed and shrugged out of his grip. “Simon,” I said, my voice cracking. “No.”

“No?” he laughed. “You didn’t say no last night.”

“No, but perhaps I should have,” I said with such anger that it caused me to turn and look at him. “I was actually going to tell you no last night, but I couldn’t. I love you, Simon. I really do, but I don’t think it’s enough.”

He grimaced and nodded in understanding. “You haven’t resolved anything with Malfoy.”

I nodded my head and look down at her feet. “I just don’t know if my feelings have completely gone for him. I mean, they hadn’t totally gone away when you saved me months ago. I only…” I paused and looked up into his kind, much too kind, eyes.

“You wouldn’t have made love to me all summer long,” he said in defeat and scratched the back of his head. “If I would’ve known that you felt this way, I wouldn’t have even tried.”

“No,” I said, grabbing his arm and preventing him from leaving. “I’m glad that you did try. I wanted to make love to you, Simon. I wanted to know what it felt like to be with you, to hold you, to feel you inside me. I needed to know if I loved you.”

He nodded, not quite looking at me. “But you don’t.”

Tears pricked my eyes. “No, Simon. I do love you. I just-“

“Don’t know if it’s enough. I heard you the first time,” he said, pulling from my grip. “You still need to figure things out, despite the fact that we’ve been making love for almost a year, almost every night, definitely every chance we could. After every touch, every sweet word between us, you’re still not sure if you fully love me. Well,” he paused and actually looked me in the eyes, “I suggest that after tomorrow you don’t come find me. You go find Malfoy, and you figure it out. I won’t be waiting forever. I promise you that.”

He then walked down to the beach house of Bill and Fluer’s where we had been staying since he busted me. Molly took us here herself. I loved that woman. She has helped me with so much, and she and mum have actually tried to help me with my dilemma. Draco or Simon. Mum, of course, was all for Simon. He was her hero after all. Molly was indifferent. She told me just to do what my heart told me. I just didn’t know what my heart wanted. It was such a huge mess.

I had thought that it was partially Draco’s fault that I had been locked up in his dungeon. I know I tried to save him, but it didn’t work. Simon had actually came to save me, and I didn’t even kiss or hug Draco goodbye when we left because I had thought that he was just going to leave me down there to rot just like his first girlfriend, but Simon told me otherwise. He could’ve just kept that information to himself, make himself look like the hero, but his chivalry made me want him even more. He wanted me to truly figure out who I loved, which meant that I needed to know the good and the bad of both parts of my heart. Both felt like they could collapse at any second.

I decided to follow Simon down to the house. He had just reached it and was opening the door. It was getting dark fast, so I high tailed it down and entered through the same door. I caught a glimpse of Simon walking up the stairs. With a sigh, I looked over at mum and Fluer.