Metamorphasis

CHAPTER 76 - BETTER THAN ME

*

SWEARING BELOW

* PG-13

"All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right.

I'm tripping on words,

You got my head spinning.

I don't know where to go from here." - Lifehouse / You and Me

Daniel's POV

I entered my room and instantly got flooded by a scent I knew too well. "Ashley..." I murmured and she came out of the shadows with tears staining her angelic face. "Ashley, are you..." I began but stoped when she ran up to me and hugged me tightly. She was murmuring unintelligible words that I couldn't understand, "Oh, Daniel your ok. Your ok." She whispered tearfully, "I ... I thought you were hurt or ... or worse."

I raised her head and looked deeply into her tear filled eyes. They were dark pools of honey and in them I saw so much sadness, hurt, betral and so many other chaotic emotions that I was surprised she was still standing. She clawed at me ripping into my shirt and drawing blood to the surface, "You don't know how much the mere thought of loosing you made me feel," she sobbed. My back stung but I didn't dare move and risk her pulling away from me. I didn't think I could live if she pulled away from me now.

"I'm so afraid Daniel. So afraid of how you make me feel, so afraid of what will happen if I let myself feel something for you, so afraid of the past, of my future. God, I'm afraid of everything," her words are rushed, "Ashley, I love you and if you just give me a chance, the smallest of chances even, I will spend my entire life proving to you that I'm different. I will spend my every living moment proving my love to you." I told her and she pulled away laughing.

"Daniel, how can you say you love me when you don't know me? I'm a mess. I have done horrible things and ... and inside ... I'm empty. I'm hollow. I'm damaged goods Daniel and you don't need someone like me to drag you down." She insisted and I looked at her as if she were crazy. "Ashley, your perfect to me and nothing could ever change the way I see you." I wanted to walk closer to her, to hold her and comfort her but I didn't know if that would make her sprint for the door.

"But Daniel I've done horrible things..." she whispered almost as if the memories themselfs were haunting her. "We've all done things..." she scoffed, "I've killed people. Have you ever felt the blood of someone else running down your arms? Have you ever seen the light go out inside someone else eyes?" She leaned against the wall, covered her face and slow slid down sobbing hysterically. I began walking towards her, "Stop, Don't come near me Daniel."

Her voice in that moment frightened me. She sounded hollow, emotionless and down right frightining. She wiped her face and got up in her eyes I saw chaos, "This never happened." She told me and quickly began walking out. I stopped her, "No, this isn't over. Ashley, I can't take this...this uncertainty with you. I want to know, I *need* to know how you feel. I need to know if I have a chance to be with you or not. I could wait an eternity for you but I need to know if we will ever happen. Ashley, please?" I begged her and she pushed me off.

"You have no idea the hell I've been through to survive and live just one more fucking day!" Her voice was laced with venom and the anguish of years. Her mask of tranquility now gone, "I love you, dam it! God, Daniel," she whispered running her hand gently down my cheek, "I love you, I do but I...." She paused and looked straight into my eyes, "I can't...I can't be with you." She whispered gasping with every word that left her lips.

She fell to her knees, "The thought of you with *her*, with anyone else it eats at me everyday." I reach down to her and pick her up, "I'm an inch away from self-destruction Daniel. I've spent ages pretending to be fine and dandy for my sisters sake because she became the center of my life. Everything I did, I did for her because she didn't deserve to see, to know just the extent of my agony." Her voice was tender, edged with anger and sadness.