Take a Bullet

Chapter 22

Hello everyone! I hope you're all having a lovely day so far. A quick thank you for your continuous support of this story and I absolutely love writing. So it makes me very glad to hear that you guys are enjoying it as well. So let's get back to these two lovebirds that we all adore so much! Enjoy! :)

Sean's P.O.V.

I don't know how long Claire and I remain in this same position. My arms cling to her tightly as I pull her as close to me as possible. Her arms wrap around my shoulders in a strong grip as if she also needs an anchor. She's holding me as if she's afraid I'll vanish any moment.

And I'm holding her to me in fear that I already have.

The Sean Lawrence that Claire Shivers has revived the past month or so is not the same man who has her wrapped in his arms right now.

I want to be him. I want the hope and happiness that comes with being that person. I want to overcome.

But anytime I feel like I'm making progress, I take ten steps back. Whenever I feel myself getting better, I fail again. As soon as I begin to gain control of my feelings and emotions, I spiral back into the terror of my memories. A part of me feels like I've been lying to myself.

I've seen other men learn to keep themselves healthy after only six sessions with their therapist.

I've been to twelve.

And what do I have to show for it?

A cut on Claire's upper arm.

A best friend who I could have beat pretty damn harshly if I wasn't stopped.

A bruised and swollen cheek.

Nothing positive.

I'm so fucking tired of trying and failing. I thought if I applied myself and remained determined, things would take a turn for the better. But they haven't. In fact, if possible, they've gotten worse.

"You know when I first saw you," Claire's soft voice breaks through the silence. "I had no idea what you were going through. You put on such a front that no one could have guessed. And even when you let me get close to you, everything about you was a mystery to me." Reluctantly, I loosen my grip as she pulls slightly away from me. My gaze meets hers and there is nothing but warmth and love in her expression. "But look at you now. You're open about your emotions. You're not concealing your pain anymore. Do you realize how strong of a person you have to be to have the courage to confront what is happening inside of you? Not many people can."

I scoff at her words as I turn away from her. "Claire, please don't praise me for my actions today. I don't deserve that." I reach for her arms and pull them to break their hold on me. She retracts them back into her lap quietly. I bring up my knees and wrap my arms around them. I remain silent as I swallow against the still present lump in my throat. "Just thinking about what I could have done to Bryan..." I trail off.

"But you didn't, Sean."

"That's only because he fought back. If he hadn't, I don't know what I would have done to him."

"You wouldn't have done what you're thinking, Sean. I know who you are. You wouldn't."

"Claire," I state sternly. "What part of this are you not understanding? Every damn thing in my mind isn't real! When I attacked Bryan, I thought I was attacking the man who..." I trail off as I fist my hand and slam the ground next to me. "I saw him as the man who k- killed you. And I would never let anyone lay a hand on you, Claire. This man that my mind made up did more than that. He took away the single, most important person in my life. That's all I saw. I didn't see Bryan. I saw that bastard. But I grabbed and pushed Bryan. Not the man in my mind. I was going to punish Bryan for another man's actions. A man who doesn't even exist." I turn my face away from Claire. "Nothing that I see is real."