One Last Time

Deux: Chapter 3

The day of the funeral mirrored how I felt. It wasn't raining, not even a drop. But the whole sky was a dark gray and overcast. Everything seemed blah and emotionless. No birds woke me up and when I opened my window, all that came in was cold air. No breeze, no faint sunlight. Just a big bubble of cold air that seemed to fill the room until I shut the window again. I began unpacking because it was 6 in the morning and I knew the funeral wasn't until ten. When I got to the dress I'd packed for the funeral, I couldn't even look at it. How was it that nobody noticed Winter was feeling this horribly? I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. I should've disobeyed my parents and tried to contact her. Not that I was sure she would've responded. But now I would never know. I turned away from the dreadful black dress and glanced at Winter's leather bound journal sitting on my desk. I slowly went over and sat down. Carefully, I slowly opened and read the first few pages. Well, skimmed them. All that was written in bubbly handwriting was quotes. Then I got to the first entry.

Dear diary,

Today was another shitty day. The cheerleaders have continued to torment me, using me as a punching bag and someone to bully. How cliche is that. My old friend told me I was fat. Not that I disagree. I am becoming chubby. Maybe that's why everyone hates me? I don't know. I wish people could just be nicer. I know, I should just let things bounce off my armor and ignore petty, cruel, and devious words... but it's so damn hard. I just wanna curl up and cry in a dark hole. I even had a panic attack in the bathroom the other day. How pathetic is that? My parents have bought all my excuses about why I'm not eating around them. Predictable. I don't know why I've decided to write a diary entry. Usually, this is just a quote book. But maybe writing here will come in handy one day. Maybe my life will get better. I hope.

Winter

A few tears began to fall, reading her first entry. With all my heart, I wished I could've been there for her. Damn. I made my way to the shower and tried not to focus on the fact today I was attending my older sister's funeral. Of course, it was futile. How could I not think about it?! I began to worry because I was seeing a bunch of people from my past, and I was extremely shy. Trying not to worry about my own petty problems, I squeezed extra conditioner into my palm and massaged it through my hair. The warm water felt amazing and I wished I never had to get out. But it was time to buck up, stay strong, and not concentrate on any of my meaningless thoughts. 

I dried my hair and carefully made a neat french braid. Makeup wasn't exactly required, but it was a habit, so I sat down and reached for my foundation sponge. Foundation, a concealer that sort of but not totally covered the bags under my eyes and the redness around them, powder, faint eyeshadow, eyeliner, jet black mascara, and light blush. I rummaged through my cosmetics and finally grabbed a simple clear gloss. After applying it, I slipped it in a black clutch along with a compact mirror and my wallet. Then I turned and faced that horrible black dress. Well, the dress itself wasn't ugly or anything. It was just what it represented and where I was wearing it to that made it horrible. I took a deep breath and slid the soft sleeveless high neck dress over my head. The fabric settled right above my knees and I added small silver earring to my outfit. Finally, I dug around in my suitcase and found the infinity sign necklace Winter and I both had. Clasping it around my neck, I pushed my feet into painful velvet heels and swallowed my tears. I will not be a quivering and sobbing mess I told myself. I flicked off the light and went downstairs.