i was seven
we went to church every sunday
and every sunday was the same
chairs all lined up in six rows
with an aisle down the middle
starbucks coffee and donut holes
on the counter in the back of the room
everything was always the same
and it was good
i did not react well to change back then
even now i struggle with change
but nothing had ever changed at the church
the chairs all lined up so neatly
the coffee and donuts on the counter
i walked through the doors one sunday
and stopped in confusion and fear
change
everything
changed
no donuts or coffee
the chairs were no longer lined up in neat rows
they were set in ghastly form around round white tables
change
i hate change
i am afraid of change
and so i could not stand the overwhelming sight before me
i lost control and a meltdown overtook me
everything was wrong now
nothing was right
simply because the chairs were no longer in neat rows
i cried and screamed and feared because that is what a meltdown is
fear and frustration and the burning ashes of routine and order
my mom took me outside
told me everything was okay
next week everything would be normal again
i finally calmed down
we walked into the church again
I closed my eyes and sat down at the table
next week
I told myself
next week everything will be normal
and next week
yes
all was normal again
chairs all lined up in six rows
with an aisle down the middle
starbucks coffee and donut holes
on the counter in the back of the room
