The thoughts of me

maybe...

'C'mon, I know you can't be this stupid.' I think as the corner of my bottom lip goes in between my canine teeth. A habit that developed from years of nervousness and boredom.

'Please.'

I constantly check my notifications for a sign that he cares.

Once again:
Nothing
Nada
Zip

I scoff at myself. I shake my head. 'I'm the dumb one here.'

I was the one who will fade into the back of his mind. Fleeting conversations will erupt once every so often.

'Hey.' he'll say.

'Hi.' I will hope not to get too excited at the chance to talk with him.

'Its been a while, what's new?'

'Same old, same old. How about yourself?'

'Just about the same, things between me and her ended...'

My heart will skip a beat as I try to sound sorry for him. Whilst I really want to jump for joy and smile as big as I can. But I don't.

I feign sympathy.

He'll send those heart stopping words to me, causing the butterflies that were in hibernation in my stomach, to start fluttering all throughout my entire body.

'Maybe.' that word rings through my mind. 'Maybe.' not a yes, but certainly not a no. I make a cheeky comment earning a laugh from him. He retorts with something's equally as bold.

Maybe this is our chance.

The banter soon ends, though, and the awkwardness fills the air. Then we go our separate ways till the next time we talk. The butterflies go back to sleep and my heart aches. My lips turn down slightly.

My eyes go from a soft, happy light to a sad, tired gaze at the floor.

A sigh escapes my lungs and through my lips.

The slow music continues to surround me. Memories of what we used to be pinch my heart, threatening to tear it open.

I sigh and try to shake the sticky aura away from me. I force a smile while lie to myself by saying everything is okay. Which it is, just as long as it isn't.

But that one word still remains in my mind like a billboard by a highway.

Maybe