The thoughts of me

Blue Eyes

'Ok just breathe' I told myself holding my chest. 'It's no big deal.' I lent my head back against the cold wall. With one last huff I hiked my bag higher on my shoulder and rounded the corner heading to my locker. "Shit, he's still there." I cursed under my breathe. There stood at my locker was a guy I had tried avoiding for weeks now. He wasn't a creep or anything, don't get me wrong, it was the fact that he liked me. And I liked him.

My luck with guys isn't the best, all the guys I've dated have cheated on me, made me feel like shit, or they just left me without rhyme or reason. So, to save my self from heartbreak, I don't act on my feelings and save the romance for stories and TV shows. I still believe in love, I really do, but it's just not for me. I'm better as a single person than with another person.

I took a big breathe and walked up to my locker. Doing my best to ignore the very tall, very attractive boy that was trying to get my attention. "You are really good at avoiding people. You know that? But the real question is why are you avoiding me? I thought I was finally on your good side, I mean I don't think I've ever heard you laugh that much or smile that big in a while. It was nice." He huffed beside me. My mind flashed back to the last time I was with him.

He had suggested we went to the park and have ourselves a little picnic. I was excited to go. I loved going on picnics. I wore a flowey yellow top with light blue mom jeans that I rolled up to mid calf, with my white converse. The sun was bright and warm it was the perfect day for it. We laughed and talked about anything and everything. It must've been hours we were there and we watched the sun set from on top of the hill we sat on. It was like a scene from some cheesy rom-com. Then we almost kissed. Then I ran away and shut him out of my mind.

Now here he was trying to get an explanation as to why I was being cold.

I sighed, "I can't do this." I motioned between the two of us. "It's too dangerous. I can't afford to give my heart to some guy who has a record for using girls and leaving their hearts in pieces in the bin. It was nice, sure, but it won't be like that forever. I'm not a project for you or a damn game! I've been there and done that and it's no fun for me." I couldn't meet his eyes. I kept my gaze pinned the the floor by my shoes and my hands clasped onto each other tightly.

He sighed and I knew he was running his hand through his hair with an irritated looked on his face. I heard him say my name with a soft yet pained tone. No one was in the hallway. Everyone had left to go home. He repeated my name when I didn't look at him. "Look at me." He said and tilted my chin up lightly. His eyes gazed into mine and his eyebrows were creased. But he didn't look threatening. "I will do anything t show you I am not like that anymore. I don't know what happened but since the first time you told me to shut the fuck up I knew you were the one who would be the girl I never anted to hurt. Irritate, definitely, but never intentionally hurt. I want this to work. I want us to work."

'Oof.' Is all I thought. His blue eyes held my gaze, begging me to say something to show that his feelings were mutual. They were. They really were. "I'm scared." I muttered. "Me too, but I will show you that you shouldn't be scared of me." He caressed the side of my cheek. "You shouldn't worry that I will leave you or cheat or-" I cut him off with a kiss. I didn't want to  ear another long spiel of how he wouldn't hurt me. I trusted that he wouldn't. I hoped that he wouldn't.

And now, 6 years and a wedding later, he still hasn't hurt me yet. He still irritates me. Like everyday. But no heart break. We graduated high school and went to colleges near each other. After two years of dating he popped the questions on top of the hill where we had our almost first kiss. We were married last year and we may have children after we get out of college. But as for right now, we are pretty happy with how things are. So the moral of the story is, children, don't always doubt love. It could happen in real life as well as the fictional world.