It started back in my old house in Chicago.
At first, it was the cocoon we spun to keep the world out but, in time, it grew to be something sacred.
The rules are always the same. We undress, walk to the bed, settle in face to face. Kiss, take a deep breath, and open to that place inside that only the other knows.
Every secret we share, every decision we make, every fight we have.
I don't even remember what that first fight was about. It had been a few weeks since we returned from Machias. Neither of us had a tour or an album to record and I think the newness of being together had started to give way to restlessness.
Ryan was being a dick. I remember that much.
There was yelling. Him at me, me louder back at him.
He was standing in the middle of the living room screaming and pulled his shirt off over his head and threw it on the ground.
I don't know what possessed me in that moment but I tore off my own shirt and threw it on the floor harder than he did. Maybe to counter his move.
He glared at me and walked into the bedroom and I followed, still yelling about whatever it was that had pissed me off.
He sat down on the bed and kept undressing and at that point it felt like a game of chicken, who could throw their clothes with more force. I took off a shoe and flung it so hard against the wall that it made a dent.
I was still yelling but Ryan had gone silent at that point. He got into bed and pulled the blankets over him like the fabric would protect him from my words.
I pulled the covers off him violently. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the bed.
As I fell, he wrapped his arms around my waist and shoved my body next to his.
His voice took on a deadly calm, "We are done fighting." Venom still flashing in his eyes
He pressed his lips to mine but I was too pissed off to respond. He pulled back. His tone now soft, "Right here. This bed. Us. This is the whole world." His voice lowered to a whisper, "Talk to me". His eyes kind, open. I melted.
There has never been anything we faced that couldn't be solved by our ritual.
Until now.
