Destiel Oneshots

If I Could, I Would

A/N: Well, hello guys. First of all, thanks for over 800 reads, like!?!!? I love you all so much!
Second, I've been feeling a bit down lately so this is going to be rather sad than adorable or something, hope you still like it!
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It was like in one of those black and white movies. Maybe it was just Dean and Castiel standing outside, somewhere in a small town. Maybe it was just Dean fighting back tears that just want to force the way out of the body, and maybe it's just Castiel, looking at Dean with a sad face that no one else could copy. Maybe there was nothing special about Castiel and Dean standing there, slowly letting their clothes getting soaked from the rain that has been silently dropping down on earth. 
And maybe there was no further meaning behind Castiel saying "I wish circumstances were different." before vanishing into nothing, leaving a lonely Dean who hasn't had enough strenght to keep standing on his legs, to keep fighting back all the tears and feelings, to search for a reason to keep on living.

Sam was gone, god knows where. Castiel left Dean, who knows for how long. Dean has been drinking endlessly, who knows how long he has left. He had no brother to protect anymore, he failed him. His mother, oh his beloved mother passed away so long ago, taking so much with her. His father, whom he always saw as the most cruel monster he had to face. 
Nothing is crueler than a father looking into the eyes of a 6 six year old child after he beat him up and tell him he isn't worth anything and everything that has ever went wrong, was his fault.

Everything seemed to crash down in the life of Dean Winchester. He got so tired of his job and oh so tired of his life. He always had someone around to give him a reason to fight, but everything he ever held on so tight has left him alone with only his thoughts. No one would hold him back if he'd grab his gun and point it to his head, smiling.

It was a regular evening for Dean. Drunk, he laid in his bed, not even bothering to change his clothes. He would trip over the empty beer bottles on the ground but he'd eventually make it to the bed to throw himself on to. Castiel. The angel would never leave his mind. He thought about his words again and even if Castiel has just appeared and vanished for not long, just to say this to Dean without further explanations, Dean knew what he meant. And he didn't bothered to fight the oncoming tears yet again.

Castiel seemed so lost, so helpless. He had no clue where he was, it was dark and he was standing on a seemingly abandoned road. This is it, he couldn't keep it in anymore, Castiel broke down. He feel to his knees, screamed at the sky, screamed to heaven, that all of this is not fair. With all the anger, with the whole strength of him, he digged his fingers into the old tar of the street, tearing wholes and cracks into it. How he wished, how hard he had prayed for circumstances to be different. He wanted to let it all out, to scream in a voice filled with hate towards himself, but no. He needed to see Dean, now.

Middle of the night. Of course Dean wasn't asleep yet, all the alcohol and thoughts kept him up. His eyes were red from all the crying, his throat sore from all the screaming. 
Castiel appeared out of nowhere, making Dean jump up a little. Dean wanted to curse at him, but as he saw the angel crying, actually crying, he kept silent, and waited.
The lights were out, only a window allowed the moonlight in, painting Cas black and white. His hands and arms hang at his sides, the tears continued to come out of his eyes, his face clearly filled with pain and hate and his stare so strong, that Dean was trapped in it.
"I..." Castiel began, but his voice cracked from all the crying. He cleared his throat, quickly looking to the ground before he stared back at Dean. 
"I wish... I wish I was human. I wish we could've met like normal people, me bumping into you in a grocery store, us awkwardly staring at each other before exchanging numbers. I wish we could go out and have a proper first date at a diner, just telling each other about ourselves." He made a break to catch some air, shaky. With every sentence, he got a bit louder.
"I wish we could build a normal life together. Kiss each other without worry filling our minds.
I wish it was possible, that you would introduce me to your parents
and we would become a little family. I wish, I wish we didn't met in hell.
I wish I wasn't who I am. I wish I could grow old...with you.
Maybe marry some day, travel around the world, having regular jobs and maybe adopt children one day. I wish I could be able to change all of this, all of me.
I wish I didn't have to choose your safety over my life. I wish..." 
His break was longer this time, making the tenseness of this moment nearly tangible. Castiel was crying, and Dean was crying too. Dean sitting in his bed and Castiel standing right in front of it, but never would they would look anywhere else but their eyes. Castiel was waiting. 

Dean sniffed shortly before he whispered with a husky voice "What...what do you wish for Cas?"
Breaking the gaze, Castiel turned around so Dean faced his back. He looked over his shoulders, back at Dean, while the tears seemed to keep rolling down his cheek.

"I wish circumstances were different."