Walang Hanggan

Tell Me It's Okay (Gnash)

Bea

"You should really stop reading those."

I told Jho, who is currently browsing through Twitter looking so hurt.

"Madali lang sayong sabihin. Hindi naman kasi ikaw yung binabash."

She said, pouting.

I smiled at her and hug her from the back.

"I know how you feel, trust me. But you should just shrug it off."

She looked at me then went back to reading the comments about her.

"Mahirap kasi Beh. Because I know, somehow, it's my fault. Us losing that game is my fault."

Pinaharap ko siya akin and pulled her towards the bed.

"It's not your fault. It's not anybody's fault. Don't let their harshness get into you."

She hugged me back and cried.

I know how she feels. Because somehow, I'm feeling it too. But we should not crumble. Not right now. Not ever.

"You did great Beh. We just fell short. But we did great."

I rubbed her back. Soothing her away from all those painful words the netizen threw unto her.

"I love you."

I said. Breaking the silence. Taking her away from her string of thoughts.

She stared at me, wide eyed and openmouthed.

I smiled at her. My most charming smile.

"I love you."

She blushed. Beet red. And I can't help but tease her.

"Kilig ka no? Uyyy, kinilig siya."

Sinundot ko yung bewang niya and she slap my arm as an answer.

"Grabe sa timing? Alam mo yung nage-emo ako tapos bigla kang magpapakilig? Buset ka talaga de Leon. Buset kaaaa!!! "

I laughed at her. Her expressions really are priceless.

"Why? Hindi ko na ba pwedeng sabihin na mahal kita even just inside the corners of this room? I love you Jho. I love you."

"Shetee. Ang pafall mo talaga."

She buried her face into my chest. I know naman kinikilig lang siya.

"Wag kang matakot mafall Beh. I got you, always."

"I love you."

She said before peeking from her spot and smiling her brightest smile at me.

"Uy! Tulala ka na dyan. Kanina pa kaya kita kinakausap."

I looked at Maddie. She's been bugging ever since they knew about the "break up."

"Okay ka lang?"

"I miss her Mads."

I miss her so damn much.

"Miss mo? Di ba araw-araw naman tayong magkakasama sa practice? Bat ayaw mo lapitan? Bat ayaw mo kausapin?"

I smiled.

Gusto ko. Gustong-gusto ko. Gusto kong lapitan siya, kulitin siya, kausapin siya. Gusto kong iparamdam sa kanya na mahalaga siya, na mahal ko siya. But then her nearness makes her more unreachable. It hurts that we need to put distance between us when in reality, we never wanted to be apart.

"I just... Cant."

I can't break ourselves just for us to be together. Two broken pieces is never good together. They would just hurt each other and break each other more.

"I dont get you. It's easier to tell the world that you guys are together. May fan base kayo. Accepted na kayo kahit hindi pa kayo ladlad. What more if magsabi na kayo diba?"

"We just...can't."

I looked down. Kasi even me, I don't understand why we can't. Accepted na naman kami ng families namin, we even go to vacations with them. But somehow I understand Jho's perspective. Kung ngayon palang nga na magbestfriends lang kami in public ang dami ng issue, what more if umamin na kami di ba?

"Iba yung can't sa won't Bea. You know you can, but you choose not to. Takot kasi kayo na maging complicated lahat. You're too afraid to give it a go that's why it's complicated. Sabi pa nga nila diba. The truth will set you free."

She preached. I looked down.

This conversation is draining me.

"When is Thailand?"

I asked. Trying to take her focus away from me and my problems.

"I know what you are doing Bei."

I just smiled at her innocently

"But since you asked. The week before Christmas aalis na daw tayo. And please lang. Kahit doon na man lang, ayusin niyo."

I looked at her and smiled. Wala akong maisasagot eh.