Walang Hanggan

Leaves (Ben&Ben)

Bea

I woke up early. Or maybe I haven't slept at all.

My head is aching but I don't really care. That pain is nothing compared to what I am feeling inside. I feel empty. I've been mad, disappointed and all confused last night that today my heart refuse to feel anything. It's comforting actually, to know that I also have my limits. That I also need to pause sometimes.

I did my rituals, jogged and ate breakfast while trying to avoid my family members. They shouldn't see my still puffy eyes from last night's event. It's just not right for them to see what I've made of myself because of saying words I should not have said, words I've said a little bit too early. I was moving fast, forgetting that the person I want to have this journey with is still testing the waters. I was running while there she was trying to make baby steps. I was a fool.

I was lying on my bed, staring at my ceiling when my phone rang. I did not dare move, I was adamant in avoiding everyone. I just can't turn my phone off since I am still hoping for a certain someone to make a move. I was trying to avoid everyone but her, the reason why I am even avoiding everyone. And now I am silently laughing at my idiocy.

When Maki - I looked at the name of the caller – called for the fifth time, I've decided to turn off the phone. There's no meaning in waiting for something that wouldn't happen.

*****

I woke up with my alarms going off. My phone says it's already 11:45 AM, meaning I am just in time for lunch. But then, I am not hungry yet. So maybe, I'll just eat later.

I was to drift back to sleep when somebody knocked on my door. I lazily stood up, fighting the urge to ignore whoever it is, to be greeted by my brother.

"Bei, pinasasabay ka ni Mom maglunch. You can go back to whatever you were doing nalang after daw."

I just nodded and started walking to the dining.

"Di kaba maghihilamos? Or kahit magpapalit man lang?" Kuya asked, still standing in front of my room.

I am wearing my favorite sleepwear kasi. Tank top paired with my blue pajamas.

"Para saan pa? I'll just be eating in the dining. Besides, matutulog lang din naman ako after."

"Don't blame me if you regret that decision later Bei." He said before walking past through me.

Why would I even regret being comfortable in my home? Smiling, I combed my fingers through my hair.

Kuya could really be weird at times.

I was sitting on my usual spot waiting for food to be served when I remembered browsing my phone. Tiningnan ko lang kasi yung time kanina and didn't mind the notifications. Malay mo Jhoana texted pala.

From: Jho Maraguinot

Good morning Bhe!☀

Received 9:05 AM

From: Jho Maraguinot

Ay! Snob siya oh.

Received 9:08 AM

From: Jho Maraguinot

Sorry na about dun sa kagabi. Nashookt ako eh.

Received 9:09 AM

From: Jho Maraguinot

Bawi nalang ako today. Okay lang?

Received 9:11 AM