Something Like Shame (BWWM)

Chapter 2

...From the day we met, I was caught in her tiny grips, hooked to that unassuming gaze. Her sweet innocence was what I indulged myself upon any chance I could get, even when I went unnoticed...

The sun glared into my eyes as I made my way up the street. Almost all of the houses on the road were identical- not always the same color but always the same content. Each house had the same number of leafless trees in its yellow-green yard surrounded by a very unoriginal wooden fence with chipped white paint. To me, the houses were like Easter eggs that way, you could crack open the beautifully painted shells only to find the same old yolk.

My house rested at the bottom of a cul-di-sac. As soon as I opened the somewhat broke screen-door, Skyla, my cat, curled herself lovingly around my feet, tickling my ankles with her long, soft hair. The house had the warm smell of beef stew wafting through it and I could hear the kids watching Disney Channel somewhere in the back.

I let my bag fall on the scuffed hardwood floor as I sifted through the unorganized , crinkled worksheets in an attempt at not procrastinating. My eyes strained to scan over the scribbled down notes when I heard two gentle knocks at my door.

"Come in." I said, knowing that the door was already open.

"Hey." My mom ran a frail hand over my hair as she leaned down to plant a kiss on my temple, "How was school?"

I looked up and smiled. She was worn down and tired but, compared to the last few weeks, she was okay. The bruises were fading. After having three kids, you'd think she'd be a little heftier but she had bones that jutted out at different angles on her beautiful, thin face. She was a walking disappearing act, "It was fine, Momma. How about you?"

A shadow of fear flit across her face so quickly I barely caught sight of it. She learned to hide those things from us through years of careful deflection, "It was fine. I did some cleaning and cooking, took care of Shawn and went through the mail." She handed me a half torn envelop and smiled, "I couldn't help myself."

I turned it over in my hands. It was a letter addressed to me from the Art Institute, a welcome letter. I had been losing sleep, spending most nights researching the works of every applicant that made it into the college of my dreams. She had been worrying half as much as I was, but I never asked because I knew she wouldn't lie about her opinion of the whole thing. My leaving would mean more loss on her part.

"Are you serious?" My jaw nearly hit the ground, "I cannot believe this. I'm going to Full Sail next fall. Are you kidding me?"

"I knew you could do it, Bunny." My mom wiped a hands off on her apron and pulled me into one of her patented-bony hugs, swaying back in forth. She put her hands on my shoulders and stepped away, "Go. Don't let me hold you back."

I shoved my notes into my bag and jogged down the staircase to grab a few snacks and wipe off the countertops.

It had been a good day. Things were happening for me and I could feel it in my bones: I was going somewhere.

I shuffled Skyla out before shutting and locking the bedroom door behind me. Nibbling at the peanut butter wafers as the cheesy music bounced through my headphones, I shot Seth a text then pulled out my sketchpad again and let go. It was all I needed. Me, music and art until I drifted asleep.

By Thursday, I found myself alone with him. The prospect had been something I'd wished for so fervently that, having it fulfilled so quickly now left me with the worst case of buyer's remorse. What was I supposed to do, now?

Upon taking my seat, my gaze slipped up every now and then to see him squinting at his sketchpad with his mouth slightly agape. There was something about that look that seemed to suit him so well; It was the perfect mixture of naivete and focus. His eyes slid away from the page and found me just as I was about to look away. Now, I had to say something.