Something Like Shame (BWWM)

Chapter 6

...There is only so much I can say now for the amount of composure I kept before my intentions were revealed by a single slip of the tongue...

Without a sliver of doubt, I was mortified and needed distraction so I worked on homework then finished it all. So I studied things until I knew every party era by month and date. Eventually, I may have taken the occasional hit from Sam's blunt. But, once she fell asleep, I was bored. Plain and simple.

So there I was, awake well past midnight, counting the cracks in the ceiling and obsessing over what he really meant when he said "eyes like those" then wondering whether or not he thought I was crazy, maybe I actually was crazy. The insane thing was that I could still feel the warmth of his fingers wrapped around mine, it was a dull tingling at the forefront of my brain I couldn't quite shake.

That night, my feelings were thrown out there. He had to catch them- he had to- or at least give me a clearer answer, I'd go insane if he didn't and as I lay there counting the cracks for the 12th time, I realized that I could not wait any longer.

I pushed aside the thin sheets and crept through the room until I stumbled across my suitcase.

There was no turning back; this had to be the night.

Slick and sweaty, my hands shook with nerves. I couldn't help the shaking.

I had been standing outside of his hotel room door for about three minutes, gathering up the courage to knock and praying he would be inside. I raised my hand just short of the door knob and stopped myself. It would definitely have looked crazy if I tried that. Taking a deep breath, I knocked gently, careful not to wake everyone else. My head was spinning again and I was on the verge of a headache. If he didn't answer in one minute, I was taking the loss.

But in the middle of the third wrap, he opened the door, eyes wide as sapphire saucers.

A towel hung loose around his neck over a gray t-shirt that clung to him in the best of ways, so I knew he had just gotten out of the shower. After a couple minutes of taking me in, he stepped aside.

The room smelled like freshly washed linens and the only light coming in was from the lamp on his desk. The TV was left on a muted episode of Cold Case as we sat in the midst of a mess of ungraded papers and art works, eating Chinese take-out. I scanned through late tests and assignments until he let out an exasperated sigh.

He was still giving me the strangest anxiety-ridden look. I stared back at him blankly, "What?"

"You don't have to do this."

"Do what?"

"All this work during a field trip, you don't have to do it." His voice was low as he picked at a loose seam in the couch. From the way the light of the lamp hit him, I could see his hair was more of a dark brown than a black. He kept his kind of long too. It curled at the tips but never looked too unruly.

"It's fine." I grabbed another paper from the pile to scribble notes along the margins in red ink, "But I should get extra credit for this, you know?"

He smiled, "You only need credit without the extra."

I smirked and trained my gaze to the deep green carpet, it was rough against my bare feet as I nervously curled my toes. I had been staring at the same sentence for the past few minutes, "Can I ask you something?"

He raised a brow, "Shoot."

"Did you fall in love?"

"Henna..."

"You don't have to answer. I was just wondering."

"Henna, really I-"

"The whole situation just reaffirmed the fact that we are constantly projecting our own insecurities onto others. And it's not fair to anyone." I curled my legs beneath me. "Really, it's not like I was wondering whether or not you're in love with anyone now or anything. It's a normal question to ask, I think, from student to teacher, right? Just pure curiosity, that's all."

"Henna?"

"Hmm?"

"You're rambling." He smiled a smile that almost looked like a grimace, "Plus, you didn't cross any line by asking. I just can't give you a real answer. We lost contact with each other, me and her. She kind of moved on with her life, and I did the same."

"I'm sorry that happened, Mr. Wick."

He looked at me for so long, I began to squirm under his stare again and a dark look flashed across his face. There was an edge in his voice when he finally spoke, wiping a hand over his lips, "Just call me Sebastian."

"Sebastian Wick." I tested out each syllable of the name and shoved the rest of the papers back into his folder, "Okay."

"Here," He scooted closer to me until we were inches apart, "Let me help you."

Every now and then, his fingers would brush mine and, when I moved away, he'd move even closer- this was a good sign. I was all too aware of his presence yet again, that had to mean something. I crawled across the floor picking up small paper clips and staples until there was nothing left to for me to do. All the while, he sat beside the couch, watching me closely as I went. Tugging at his bottom lip, he tried to hide his amusement, "You're a real busy-body."

I eyed the door, anxiety filled my chest until my heart hammered a defense, "Anything else?"

"You're leaving?"

I flushed and slowly scrambled to my feet, "I guess there's nothing left for me to do anymore..."

An array of emotions flitted across his face until he settled his gaze back on mine. They were a heady mixture of indecision, pain and something else. Something that made everything in my body come ablaze. He raked both hands through his hair and heaved a sigh, "I like having you around, Henna."

Those words hung between us like a question mark. I took a small step back but he tentatively closed the distance between us, gauging my reaction.

Then, as I stood still as a stock, he lifted his hand up to my cheeks and cupped it. I was so wired that, right then, I could feel his pulse pounding hard against my skin as his thumb ran gently over my bottom lip, too warm. There was no going back at this point, no "oops" or slip-of-the-lip excuse for what we were doing because now there was no mistaking his intentions. He kept his hands there for a while, waiting as if he had all the time in the universe- and it was only bringing my anxiety to a pique. My toes were curled over the cliff, waiting for the fall.

"What you did earlier with my hand, Henna, I liked it. I liked it a lot and I wanted so badly to kiss you too." His lips curved up in that faint-worthy way as his hazel eyes raked over me from head to toe, challenging me, "I'll never force you to do anything you don't want. With that said, I really want to kiss you now."

I simply could not cope with the hormonal cocktail coursing through my bloodstream. Every single nerve-ending in my body was standing at attention, waiting for his next move.