Something Like Shame (BWWM)

Chapter 14

... Part of me enjoyed the resistance, the very same part of me that I despise.

The next morning I woke up earlier than him and everyone else, having only slept less than three hours. It was about five o' clock and I just wanted to be in my own bed. I stood, leaning against the sink in the warm steam of the bathroom, fresh out of the shower and still aching everywhere below my abdomen, using his toothbrush as he lay in the next room sound asleep. I still didn't know what to think of the things he did that night, wasn't sure if I was angry or turned on by his aggression. In that moment, I was at the height of confusion.

The hotel was still quiet, putting aside the few families exiting the hotel, dragging their bags through the halls. I padded back and forth, going through the motions and gathering my clothes but then, as I turned around, I saw that he was watching me all along- always watching, waiting.

Spitting out the rest of the toothpaste, I frowned. "You don't have to get up."

"I just wanted to be certain that you'll..." He yawned and continued with a groggy voice, "You know the lift would be too risky."

"Too risky?"

"Yes." He scratched at his stubble without looking up.

I reached for the doorknob, "See you in class."

"Bye, Henna." He smiled a little, still distant.

I left and started down the hall.

By the time I finally reached my room, my stuff had already been packed and set beside the door.

"Hey." Hoisting my suitcase onto the bed, I gave our room a once-over before collapsing onto the sheets.

Sam was still packing her clothes. Her bed was unmade and covered with her toiletries and make-up while she looked nowhere near a mess. Holding her ever-present phone in her hand, she cut her eyes at me, not with anger, but more of an irritated fondness. "Hi."

"We've gotta start waking up the other kids."

"Uh-huh."

Exasperated, I was just about to start carrying my luggage out but she continued, still scrolling through her phone, "Look, Henna, I'm not about to say that I'm sorry for the shit I said. I'll just say my words were a bit harsh, but you somehow make being a self-serving ass and a brilliant mind at the same time look well..." She paused and crammed her clothes into her bag before zipping it all up. The thing was packed to its limit so it was like a miracle that it hadn't burst yet, "Somehow it's kinda pleasant on you."

I smiled wanly and nodded toward the door, "Pass me one of your bags."

She handed me two of them with a smile.

By the time I noticed that my phone was vibrating at the bottom of my purse, the bus was already packed, kids were scarfing down their breakfasts, and I was preparing to do the same. It wasn't a number that I recognized, but I set down my bagel and clicked answer.

"Keep your voice down and I'll make this quick."

His voice was raw and hoarse, but I recognized it all the same. Seth. "Where are you? We're about to leave and you still haven't shown up."

"Listen, I-"

"We'll both be left behind if I get you from wherever it is you're-" I broke off. From across the room near the coffee machines, Sebastian was watching me with dark eyes, his interest piqued and his eye was swollen to a deeper purple than last night. The kids were barely alert enough to ask any questions.

"That's exactly why I'm calling you."

I trained my eyes away from everyone else, "Okay?"

"I'm in the ICU in Maplewood."

"Why? What happened?"

"It was your mentor, Mr. Wick." He said his name, slow and quiet, waiting for a reaction.

At that, I stood up and exited the room. No one needed to hear this and I didn't want them to read my lips, so I paced across the lobby and out of the way of anyone until I was under the abandoned staircase. "Explain."

"I saw him with you in the alley." He waited for a response, but I was holding my breath, "When I confronted him about you two he attacked me with a knife or a broken bottle. I couldn't tell it was too dark and I was too drunk, but it was him, Henna, I swear it was. There was so much blood. So much fucking blood, he wanted to kill me. It was written all over his face. He even tried to stab me. If Alfie and Broc hadn't been there, I would've been-" He couldn't finish.

"Who?" I shook my head, this was too much. There was no point in humoring this, "I was with him the whole night. There's no way he'd be able to or let alone want to hurt you, Seth." But, he did disappear and dh did come back tattered... he wouldn't hurt anyone, though. I shook my head, clouded by doubt.

"Not if I tried to get him away from you."

That was where I had him. Sebastian couldn't wait to get me to leave that morning, "Why not call the police, then?"

"Alfie and Broc can't have another run-in with the cops again. And I wouldn't have either, but now I have a court date for the damage with the cars." He sighed, "You don't believe me."

"No. I believe that something happened. I believe that you might have attacked him and that's why he had all those bruises on his ribs and face. Seth, he might have a collapsed eye socket or something. You have to start thinking these things through..." I trailed off and toyed with my sandwich, keeping my voice down to a whisper. From my vantage point, I could glimpse Sebastian as he wandered further out of the room, "You need help, Seth."

"No. You need the fucking help. This man is dangerous." He took a heavy labored breath and I could hear it rattle in his throat, "He can do the same thing to you but you're so damned lovesick, so damned ambitious-" He started to choke on what could only have been the corrupt liquid.

"Let it go." I hung up the phone before he could say another word and continued with my breakfast.

Abdul spoke past his McMuffin. His arm was slung over Sam's shoulders, making it easier for him to fondle her breast as she sipped her Frappe. She did not seem to mind the attention, "Who was that?"

"Just my Mom." I lied, "She's excited to see me."

The thought kind of singed my nerves. I hadn't heard a word from her or anyone else in my family during the entire trip. No one was worried. Everything had happened to me so fast that I wanted nothing more or less than to scream it from the top of the Arches- to Ricky, to Linda, to my Mom. I had someone special. They had all been so worried about me dying a spinster but I wasn't alone anymore. Someone wanted me- but, I had to stop myself. Sebastian was my secret and I his. It had to be kept that way at least until graduation- until we wouldn't matter as much.

"Good for you." Sam smiled sweetly and, for once in my life, the comment felt less than ironic.