The beginning of the end: Bellatrix Black

Fading away

Tuesday, June 2, 1970

"Bellatrix, will you be my first and most loyal follower?" he asked

"I will, my Lord." I answered

I wake up. At first it's that weird feeling when you don't remember anything. A moment of sheer happiness. All the possibilities in the world. But then it all slowly comes back to you like flooding.

I have my duty to fulfill. A promise is a promise. Even though it may mean I might lose another person's trust. I have to.

I dress quickly and do my best to make no noise. There is no time for an enchantment. The dawn has coloured the sky in its sweet reddish nuance. In another day I would stay and look at it but not today.

As I walk out of the house I wonder where Cissy was. And with who. She was one of all the things which were slipping away from me.

Other things, though, were that breaking rope of sanity. Unfortunately the things weren't that many, the rope was slowly falling apart and... I was losing my grip.

Quick, rhythmical steps held my attention. Lately those were the things that focused me to my surroundings. Those little things were the last rationality that I had left. What the hell happened?

Step. Step. Step. Step. Forward. Forward. Forward.

If I did what I had to, like I promised, it would soon be over. Back to normal. Normal. Something I never was, thinking about it.

I wander around my brain but deep down I know that I dropped the thread of reality again. I have no idea what is truly happening, just walking. Maybe something will push me out of this sleep.

Where was I going?

My legs are moving without my commands, though. Wherever I was going, I am not sure I'll reach that destination.

Step. Step. Step. Step.

Why would I be walking if I could apparate and disapparate?

Who was I going to see?

If my legs were walking in that direction then I would get there eventually, right?

Promise.

That word woke me up. I stopped and took a deep breath. I stretched my fingers. My own fingers.

I wrap my own hands around my body. I have control. I don't realize my body is thrown into fits until I can't breathe properly. Am I going to lose control again?

Why?

I am fighting with myself. But I realize. The battle is lost. It's a battle I can't win.

Weird how one moment you are full of confidence then a minute is enough to change your perspective.

Probably another person would have been able to fight it but I let in.

Narcissa would be disappointed but I am not Narcissa. I expect nothing else. Narcissa would have been able to fight herself out of this condition. No. Narcissa would have never gotten to this condition.

And I promised her.

So slowly my legs are moving themselves again and apparently whoever is commanding them has a purpose. So much unlike me.

I realize that I am fading away from my mind. I take less space. I barely have any thoughts left. I am disappearing of my own body and I am becoming something else. Probably my own last thought and then it's all gone.