The beginning of the end: Bellatrix Black

The shattered mirror of hope

"Here we are. At the end of my life and the beginning of my story."

"Some would call it a story of madness, desperation, vengeance, sorrow and death"

"To me it all started like a story of love" I focus on the lines of my hands and trace them. It is soothing

"The night of the death of my cousin. Sirius Black." I imagined it all in my head - the meeting with the Death Eaters, the first dinner to which Draco was invited. The death of Radler. Becoming his second.

I laughed at the last one "What a fool."

The cool air of the lovely night.

"That night I was going to get my revenge. I had the perfect opportunity. I had enchanted powder in my necklace. We were alone. The Dark Lord unsuspecting." I pictured the stars in my head.

I fight back both the smile and the tears "The powder would have killed us both. A favorable death to this turn of events."

I get up from the bed and walk to the window. Locked with heavy magic, of course.

Continue please.

"Even unsuspecting, the Dark Lord had a scheme of his own. I was fooled. Tricked."

"A powerful dark spell. Unheard of. To me, the Lord wore the look of my past lover. My long lost one. He acted like him too. But only to me"

In my mind I remember his touch, his voice, his scent.

And you were foolish enough to be caught off guard? Why didn't you use your head for once, darling?

"I had loved him. With all my heart once. I would have followed Tom anywhere. Yet in my desire-driven actions I forgot all sense. I forgot his betrayal."

"I craved him. His words and his body" I breathed in. I knew that the words coming would sting. "A madwoman's longings... for a ghost"

Honey. You have some serious issues.

"I guess that you can leave me to them. Whoever you are" I realized with horror. I was with this voice for months now.

I need to hear the end of your story.

"And why do you feel so entitled to hearing it"

I spent so much time with you. I know your grief as if it were mine. I need to know why.

"So be it. There would be at least someone to hear me."

Short memories passed through my head. The truth that they held frightened me.

"We loved. That night felt magical. Extraordinary. I ignored all the fear - the fear of losing my loved man, the fear of this irrationality."

Remembering the following events made me gasp. The shock was striking.

"After... after this perfect night ended, another followed. I thought- I thought it was all perfect for us. Because I felt like a better person and I thought that so did he - with his kindness and love."

The pain was unsupressable.

"I though in those nights that I could be the one to mend him - where many had failed I hoped I could succeed."

"I had always this perfect dream in my head where he finally realizes that pursuing his greed is needless. I thought that maybe... maybe it could all end and we both start anew somewhere, anywhere with all the choices in the world"

My broken dreams weighed down like stones dragging me deeper underwater.

"In those nights where we watched the sun set together, held hands, whispered sweet nothings, loved, when I looked in his eyes - the eyes of Tom Marvolo Riddle my dreams seemed realistic."

I shiver went down my body.

"The words spoken, the thoughts shared, the heartwarming laughs - it was all an illusion."

A stream of tears went down my face.

"Two weeks later, my body belonged to him again." I breathed in. I wouldn't be able to say it. "The perfect illusion was shattered." I mouthed.

Sliding to the floor with sorrow, ridden by pain "My dreams and hopes shattered."

"He... he.. had invaded my mind again. The shock of it sent me unconscious for a week."

The floor was cold under my shivering body. "He showed no mercy afterwards."

"His torture began."

"Voldemort abused my body every day afterwards. He was desperate to have an offspring."

"I was deceived by his lies once again. I was toyed around. I had lost all of my value to him. I meant nothing and I felt like nothing."

Even though I never said it, memories of those souldbreaking nights flashed through my mind. My pain, my despair.

"Not even my sister tried to save me, too scared for her son."

I was dead on the inside. For months. No life could exist in my broken body. My soul was broken

"And then I found out that I was pregnant. I was tossed aside by the only person that was interested in me, locked in this same place, seven months ago."

I remembered snapping back into my body.

"I screamed and cried for weeks, tore the skin of my body."

I looked down, the tears stopped.

"And I lost it." Deep breaths, I thought "Voldemort made me regret it. The child was gone."

I couldn't breathe properly. There was something terribly wrong with my lungs.

"I cannot continue."

But-

"No! Leave me alone!" I screamed

For I couldn't mouth the tortures my body bore. The pain, the loss of control, the nightmares. I had been scared of my own shadow. I hadn't used knifes ever since.

Then I heard that wicked voice for the first time.

I bore scars which were hidden by Dark Spells. Such spells that made them invisible to everyone but me. I would never look myself again in the mirror for I would see what was left of my body.

I was forgotten. Until he became desperate once again for a body to bear his child.