Animalistic

17

Eventually, the steam from the searing shower began to clog my breathing, the red rusty liquid swirling down the drain as the hot bullets shot it off my body. The muggy air brought me back suddenly, to the pungent scent of terror and blood. I saw Audri, I felt my claws rip into skin, my teeth sink into hide, my intent. Intent to kill. The rogue, fearful eyes-eye, the other blinded because of me, his blood in my mouth. And with that I bent over and vomited once more. Jesus, I didn't even know I could puke anything else up, looking down at my bile, the red stained chunks let me know I actually did not have anything else to throw up. I almost killed someone. I'm not a killer, how could I have devolved so much? Leaning against the tiled wall I let the hot bullets hit my face, I had never felt rage like that, seen red like that, fought like that. I turned into something I'm not. I don't like it. I don't ever want it to happen again. But somewhere in the back of my head a little itsy-bitsy voice whispered.

You loved it.

My eyes fly open and I slam my forehead against the tile to get the thought out of my head. OW-fuck! Reeling back in pain, I grab my forehead and groan slightly. My hand reaches for the shower knob and I turn it, the water shifting from unbearable heat to ice cold, immediately forcing my breath to come out ragged and broken. 

Don't lie to yourself.

Holding my head in my hands I silently scream inside my head. STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!

All that power.

I squat down twisting my hair in my hands, willing this voice to shut the fuck up, get the hell out of my head. GET OUT!  GET OUT!  GET OUT!  GET OUT!  GET OUT!  GET OUT!  GET OUT!  GET OUT!  GET OUT! 

My breathing was ragged, squatting under the cold water, wringing my hair, muttering crazily. And there was, nothing. No response, no slippery voice like sloshing rust in the back of my head. Thank God. That wasn't me. It wasn't. I finally convince myself after a few more seconds of muttering and raise from my squat, smoothing my hair out once again and letting the rush of cold wash over me before turning the shower off. My head throbbed with each beat of my heart, amplifying the beat to scream in my ears. But it was gone.

Stepping out of the shower, I pad over to the fogged over mirror and drag my hand across to see my dripping reflection. I looked like shit. But that was normal, that was fine, that was me. I'm okay, I'm okay. With that last thought I get to drying myself off. As I  pull the clothes I brought with me on, a soft knock comes from the door.

"Jasabelle? You alright in there?" Atlas' low gravely voice brings me some form of comfort.

I make my way to the door and unlock it, pulling it open to Atlas righting himself after the object he was leaning upon was gone. "I'm fi-." My voice sounds a bit scratchy and I clear my voice. "Fine." He nods, but his eyes say he doesn't believe me. I wouldn't either.

"Hey Jas," I look into his eyes as he stands towering over me, standing in the door way, gravely serious, "I'm sorry." He looked as if he were breaking inside. "I wasn't there, you fought and I couldn't protect you." My eyes softened and all I wanted to do was melt under his hazel gaze. "When you collapsed I-I was so scarred, you were covered in gashes and they wouldn't let me near you. I nearly lost it." He has to take a shaky breath. "I let you get hurt, I let you-"

I couldn't hear his guilt ridden voice anymore, it killed me inside. "Hey-hey," I said to get his attention, his eyes refocusing on mine, "I'm here, I'm fine. I'm okay." I grabbed his hand, holding it softly, hesitantly, trying to give him some sort of comfort. "I'm strong."

He chuckled slightly, slipping his fingers between mine "That's what scares me so much." My head cocks to the side in confusion. "Your too strong for your own good, get yourself in trouble."