When Winter Comes

Chapter 32: Winter's Pieces

IGNORE ALL ERRORS 

Chapter 32: Winter's Pieces 

I decided to let pieces of me slowly start living again, because maybe if all of them come together, I'll be whole again. 

- Winter Ozlin's Diary 

Marie kept hounding me, so I gave in to writing again. Being completely honest, it always did make me feel better. My journal was a place I could be regular-old Winter. Marie had to buy me a new one, though. I left the old one back at the campus. I forget about in the quick decision of me leaving. Marie slid a new book into my room late on Wednesday. I watched her hands place the leather book on the closet table to the door. She thought I was sleeping, but I wasn't. My eyes were glued on my window and the box that laid on top of my desk in front of it. I kept telling myself to throw it out, but I knew I couldn't. A piece of me lived inside it, and as much as I wanted to die so I could move on, I had to let it live. 

What really made me start writing in my diary again, was my friend drama. I figured that if I had enough issues without them, my friends wouldn't have seemed like a problem. But they were still there and they were pestering me none stop. Emma called everyday at six. She droned on and on about plans for us to go on wild adventures during break. I said yes repetitively, but I didn't mean any of them. She talked about Austin and how he kept wanting to call me, but he didn't know how to reach me ever since I got a new phone. I begged Emma not to give him my new number, and when my phone never rang, I figured she hadn't. Jace called to sometimes, but he gave up after a week with no answer. A lot of people did that with me. Give up. After a while, I figured Emma would give up too, and then I'd be completely free from my past. And maybe then I could throw my box. 

Carl would be coming home tomorrow. He usually spent the first night back from break at a friends house in New York City, but this year he was heading home immediately after the last bell. I told him it was unnecessary, because honestly I was fine. But every time I said that, nobody believed me. Carl said he would be home at four and then we would drive to the mall together. He said that even though it didn't seem like it, Christmas was happening, and we needed to buy presents. Carl was also defiant about going to Jace's for Christmas. They talked apparently and had the whole day arranged, which made me nervous. I was nervous about seeing Jace, about seeing his family. Truly, I was nervous about being in the social light again. 

"Winter, sweetie!" Marie called into my room. I turned away from the window and saw he looking in between my door and the wall. "Is late, don't you think?" 

I looked at the clock on my night stand and realized it was two in the morning. What was Marie even doing awake?

"Yeah, I guess so." I stood from the desk and moved over to my bed. Those seemed to have been my only movement for that past few days. 

"Is everything okay?" She asked and opened the door a little wider. 

"I was just thinking, Marie."

"Care you share your thoughts?" She smiled sweetly, the smile she had perfected. 

"Not tonight." I shook my head, but gave her a grateful grin back. 

"I know you must be lonely, being in this house, but you are free to go out. You must want to do something other than stare out that window." Her smile thinned out. Marie mastered that too. Putting on a sweet smile and then turning it sour in seconds.