ALANA'S MISTAKE ✔

Chapter 23

The sound of that song, 'Guardian Angel' was still playing in Alana's mind, over and over like a stuck record, even as she talked in her studio with her tutor, Tatum. Was it about her? Would the lyrics reveal anything? Last night she had scrolled the internet looking for the words to the song but nothing came up, it was too new to be there yet. All she found were hundreds of images of Silence, standing in band poses, Elias in the middle, looking away from the camera or running his hands through his hair.

Every time she thought of the song she felt a surge of anger. Why would he do that? Is he trying to ruin my life? She tried to concentrate on what Tatum was saying but she couldn't. He talked about how he had set in motion her campaign for the ceiling space at the end of year show. She nodded along, trying to look interested.

'Are you ok?' he said, peering at her. 'You look pale, Alana. Are you getting enough sleep?'

She nodded.

'I'm fine, I'm great.'

She wished she could pinch her cheeks to get some colour in them. The truth is she hadn't slept much last night - not with that song haunting her. She hadn't been sleeping well ever since that night. She missed the nights before then, when she could lie in Noah's arms and drift off into oblivion.

As Tatum perused her latest work she suddenly felt the need to turn around. Sure enough, stood right there only a few meters away, was Elias. An electric shock of nerves passed right through her.

'What are you doing here?' she said.

'Is that any way to greet the first ever commissioner of your work?' he answered, cocking his head to one side, a cheeky smile on his face.

'You're not commissioning my work,' she said, through gritted teeth.

'Of course I am. The whole band is.'

'We discussed last week...'

Tatum stepped forward.

'Elias, hi. Do we have the specifications through yet?'

'For what?' said Alana.

'The size of the stage,' said Tatum, looking surprised.

Elias' eyes flicked between them. Alana sighed.

'Anyway, I will leave you two to discuss your next moves, I'm sure you don't need me at this stage.'

With that Tatum walked off, leaving Alana and Elias face to face.

'You said you were going to leave it,' said Alana, trying not to raise her voice.

'Leave what? You? I did leave you alone - as hard as that is to do... but the stage project still goes ahead. You never mentioned anything about that.'

She placed her hands on her hips.

'I thought it would be obvious that if you weren't going to see me, you would find someone else!'

His face remained still, calm.

'How would I explain that to the guys?'

'I don't care how you'd explain it. I don't want to do this project with you, I just want us to put everything into the past.'

'We are all made up of our pasts, just as much as our presents... and our futures. That's from a song, I forget which one.'

'I never heard of it.'

She put her arms across her chest stubbornly.

'You need to leave.'

'Leave?'

'Yes, you know. Go.'

A look passed across his face.

'Do you always treat your conquests this way?'

'My conquests, what?'

'You know what I'm saying.'

'There are no "conquests", Elias. Please, can you just go?'

He looked at her, his face sterner now, a touch of hurt in his eyes.

'I'm not asking for anything but for you to be professional and do the job we asked of you.'

'I can't do it. I won't.'

He looked down at the ground then shook his head so his hair fell over his face.

'Are you rejecting me?'

Her eyes widened.

'Yes!'

'So let me get this straight. You want to wrap me around your little finger, spend one night with me, have all your fun and then walk off back to your husband and your child, then go and play happy families again?'

She checked around to see that no one could hear them. There were just a handful of students down at the far end of the space.

'Shut up!' she said, her face brightening with rage.

'You can't expect there to be nothing between us. You just can't.'

'Yes,' she said. 'I can. That night was a total mistake. If I could go back I would never have done it.'

The hurt in his eyes grew.

'A mistake?'

His voice was quieter.

'Yes,' she said. 'I love my husband, very much. I just, I don't know what happened that night. But it wasn't me, I don't know, I was troubled. I should never have done it.'

'Oh.'

He gritted his teeth this time, quietly. Alana could see his jaw clench.

'That's not how I felt,' he said.

'I know,' she replied. 'I know it's not and I'm sorry for that. I didn't think you would feel that way.'

'What did you think I'd feel? Nothing? Like all the other nights with all the other girls. The girls that give themselves so easily to me, just because I'm the lead singer in some band? Those girls don't see me for who I am. They see an image, except that image isn't me.'

Alana sighed.

'You saw me though,' he went on. 'And I saw what we could become, the two of us. If there could be a chance.'

She spoke quietly, slowly, as though that would somehow get him to understand.

'There is no chance, Elias. I'm sorry but there is no two of us and there never will be.'