ALANA'S MISTAKE ✔

Chapter 30

The next morning, rain pelted at Alana and Noah's bedroom window. It was darker than usual, an overcast, cold day. Alana shivered a little and pulled the covers up over her shoulders. She had a vague, hollow feeling in her stomach but she did have the memories of the day before floating in her head. It had been liberating to be away from the city and she had begun to wonder if the three of them should simply get in the camper van and not come back for a few months. That should be enough time for things to blow over.

She made a mental note to mention it to Noah as she slipped out of bed, put on her dressing gown and slippers then padded downstairs. The moment her foot landed on the soft carpet of the hallway her heart sprang into her throat. There, tucked under a small pile of mail she saw the corner of a bright red envelope.

She bent down and whipped it up lightening quick, checking around to make sure Noah wasn't around, or Snow. She was alone, so she crept along the hallway to the kitchen, sat down and tore the envelope open. Inside were ten pages of the same thick, cream paper as before, all folded down the middle and stuffed tight into the envelope. She felt a wave of panic as she looked at the first page. His handwriting was even more scrawled than the last time, written in the same black ink, little drawings dotted among the endless writing.

'Dearest Alana,

You didn't think you could get rid of me that easily, did you? The way you spoke to me the last time I saw you, it was rude, wasn't it? That's no way to talk to someone who has shared your bed, shared you.'

She wanted to scream. The papers trembled in her hands.

'I think of you every day, every hour, every minute. That's what love will do. If it's real it will take over everything, it can't be helped. I can't be helped, not when it comes to you. I wrote 'Guardian Angel' for you, about you. It's my best work yet. "A work of genius" one critic called it. "Achingly beautiful" another one said.

That song is making our careers, Alana. You are making our careers. If it weren't for you I would never have written it, then we wouldn't have the chances we have now. So it just proves it all over again. You are my guardian angel.

God knows I always needed one. Growing up alone is no fun, you know? I had no one to look out for me, no one to care for me. Girls I meet now act like that's all they want to do but they don't, not really. They want something else completely, they want me to be something for them that I can't give.They all want the same thing, some idea of this guy who treats them bad but adores them but ... I don't know ... I don't understand. The only girl I ever understood was you.'

Alana gulped as she reached the bottom of the first page. She checked around once again to make sure she was completely alone. No one was there but it felt like the whole room was closing in on her, trapping her, making it hard to breath. She turned to the next page and almost stopped breathing altogether. There in the middle of the page was a drawing that was instantly, dreadfully familiar to her.

It was a beach, the sun high in the sky, waves crashing on the shore. A guy, obviously Noah, sat next to a woman, obviously her. Then a small girl in a dark wet suit riding the waves, chest down on her surf board. Alana clenched her hand so tight her nails dug into the skin, creating vivid red marks on her palm that she was too distracted to feel.

He had been there. Yesterday. Watching them. She couldn't think where he had been creeping around but it didn't matter - he was there. She frantically searched through the rest of the papers, seeing more drawings of her own face, carefully sketched versions of her name, covered in roses and strange leafy patterns. There was another drawing of her daughter, bright-faced and smiling. The sickness in her stomach rose again. She grabbed on to the side of the kitchen table, trying to steady herself but it didn't help. The whole world was spinning. He's not going away; he's never going away. Her eyes fell onto the open page in her hand.

'I sit here, I wonder, why Alana? Why did my heart chose Alana? When I saw you there, with your child, with your husband, I saw something that I hated - who can blame me for that? - it should be me with you, not him. But I also saw something I loved. I never had a family, a mother. And seeing you with your daughter ... It made my heart swell, made me forgive myself for the way I feel about you. For who could resist such a beautiful sight? Such a beautiful woman? So complete. So everything.'

She let the paper drop from her hand and although she could hardly think straight there was one thing she knew in her heart. She had to, above all things, keep her family safe. 

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