I Tried My Best To Love You (Sequel To YAMFB)

Chapter 3: I'm a Nervous Wreck

I keep Gerard's note tucked away inside of one of my smaller and more used textbooks as I begin college. I figured that way I would have it on me at almost all times in a way that wasn't as creepy as keeping it in my wallet. There was something about it that drew me closer to Gerard and made me feel safe. It wasn't long before the rose wilted and I decided to press it between pages too. I wanted to preserve the things that reminded me of home and comfort seeing as how my new living situation felt foreign. My roommate didn't seem very interested in human interaction which was understandable but nonetheless, made me feel like an outsider in my own bed. He seemed to be quiet and kept to himself. At times, he would play guitar quietly on his bed but he would always ask if that was okay before starting. Compared to the usual street lights and sky views from the places I've grown used to, the view from my dorm wasn't spectacular; it was mostly just a view of the buildings that cluttered campus. Other than the courtyard between the main hall and the arts building, there was a vacancy of nature and anything that had more variation than a shade of white. 

During my first couple of weeks, I was thankful to find out that my professors weren't completely ignorant to basic human needs. Entering college, that was one of the fears I had. I wasn't entirely sure what to expect from a post-secondary institution as I had never had much interest in pursuing a career path with any type of continued education, I never paid attention to all of the college representatives that had traveled to my old high school.  The transition from high school to college was actually a lot simpler than I had anticipated. In my course, there was a coop option in which I would be learning in a more hands-on environment which I was excited to explore. Throughout the transition, I had lost touch with many people though, I had sent Gerard a message a week ago about our agreed upon one month meeting but I never received a response. I sent a few texts and left a few voicemails though I heard nothing back from him. It's not something I wasn't expecting, I was just overly hopeful that the outcome would've been different.

Since having been with Gerard, I hadn't been looking for someone new; I hadn't felt ready. I was mentally prepared to pursue a few college courses and hopefully, maybe, reconcile with Gerard but after one too many voicemails left, I tried to forget about him. That's when I met Gabriel. I couldn't help but be intrigued. He was taller than I was by quite a bit and towered over me. We shared a couple of classes together and we had a few conversations, though I never expected much from it other than some playful flirtation. He has a smirk that cause butterflies to flutter in my stomach and makes me feel lightheaded. I wasn't looking for a new relationship but when Gabe slipped a date and a place into my back pocket after class one day, I wasn't hesitant on whether or not to go either.

Preparing myself for the date felt foreign. Dates with Gerard were... Different. There wasn't really a particular first date that made me uncomfortable because we weren't a conventional couple. Having to get ready for something like this wasn't something I was accustomed to. I went through my wardrobe of 10 shirts and 2 pairs of pants before deciding on a lavender dress shirt and black skinny jeans. As I watched myself in the mirror, I could feel the anxiety rushing through my every vein. Part of the worry is that this is a prank or something because I don't really understand why Gabe would want to go out with somebody like me. He seems to be on another level. What could he want with me? But maybe I'm overthinking everything. I need to get out of my own head. I grab my jean jacket, wallet and smokes and head out the door. When I'm outside of the student residence, I pull my cigarettes and lighter out of my pocket and try to calm myself down a bit. I put a cigarette to my lips and light it and take a few minutes to unwind a bit while staring at the setting sun. The sky is beautiful tonight. I stomp out the lit cigarette and head out for my date.

The fast-food restaurant he picked glows with fluorescent lights as I enter the doorway. I spot him sitting in the back corner wearing a high school letterman jacket and sunglasses on top of his gelled hair. I approach him, waiting for him to notice me. He has his hands up in front of his face, covering his mouth slightly until he recognizes me and smiles widely. He stands up immediately as I make my way to him. He reaches his hand out to me and welcomes me. I lower myself into a seat and he follows my cue.
"I'm sorry I can't stop smiling. I'm just glad you actually showed up," he says through a toothy grin.
"Get stood up often?" I reply, letting a smile curl around my lips. He nods sadly. I feel his foot grazing mine beneath the table and I feel some of my built-up tension slipping away. 
"When was the last time you went on a first date?" He asks.
"A long time."
"Has it been awhile since you've been with someone?"
"Not too long but it's been a decent amount of time. You?"
"I just got out of a short relationship that lasted a month. Nothing too important," he replies, shrugging.
"Well all of that's in the past now, might as well keep it there," I say, trying to move the conversation along.
"Do you know what you'd like to eat?" He asks pointing at the lit menu board. I take a moment to look over the options and nod.

The rest of the date moves along smoothly. I learn a bit more about him and his life thus far. I refrain from talking about myself as much as possible, omitting only small facts about myself such as the high school I went to and if I had any siblings. A couple of hours of us talking past effortlessly when he invites me over to his dorm for a couple of drinks. How could I say no to such a generous offer?

He leads me back to his room and turns on the lights. His room is meant for one person and it's got its own small kitchenette. He opens the fridge door and leans in to grab some beer. On his fridge are a few photos of him and people I assume are either friends or family. He pops off the cap and passes me a bottle. I take a big sip of beer and swallow it down quickly. It's never been a favourite of mine. He invites me deeper into his room and sits on his bed. Unsure of how to react, I approach him slowly, locking eyes with him. I set my beer down on the night stand and undo the top button of my shirt. Hoping that I'm making the right move, I continue to the second button as I move closer to him. He lifts his hands to take over and continues to undo all of my buttons. He reaches a tentative hand to my chest as he moves the shirt over then slides it off my arms. He pulls me between his legs and cups my face. I bend slightly and touch my lips to his. Slowly and tenderly, I begin to kiss him. I grab his lower lip between mine and run my hands through his hair. He lays back on his bed and I climb overtop of him. I run one hand down his chest until I find the bottom of his shirt. I remove it and toss it to the floor, following it with my eyes momentarily before he brings me back to him. His hands are warm against my cheeks as he presses his lips to mine. Softly, I rock my hips against his, and moan into his mouth. I move my lips to his neck and begin to trail kisses from his collarbone to the waistband of his pants. I undo the button and zipper and slide them off along with his boxers until I'm staring at his erection. I pick up his length into my hand and press my lips to his balls. He tenses slightly and moans as I begin to lick and suck them gently before moving up his shaft. I wrap my lips around the tip and begin to fill my mouth with him. He props himself up and I meet his gaze as he watches me take the entirety of his cock in my mouth. He bites his bottom lip as I suck him off. I pull away and I can feel spit dripping down my chin and onto my chest. I can feel my jeans getting tighter in the crotch as I wrap my hand around his hard-on and lick my lips. He watches my lips as I slowly begin to rub his cock with my hand. I can see the tortured look in his eyes when he looks up into mine. He seems to be begging for more and I smile devilishly. I lower my head so that he can feel my hot breath teasing him. I open my mouth over him and he bucks his hips so that his cock is in my mouth again. Obeying, I swirl my tongue over his tip. He grabs a handful of my hair and begins to push gently on my head so that more of him is in my mouth. I can see the desperation in his eyes as a moan takes him by surprise. He falls onto his back grabbing for the sheets beside him, groaning deeply as he cums in my mouth. I pull back and reach my hand to my mouth. He leans up a bit, just enough to catch my eyes as I swallow deeply. His eyes stay locked on mine as I wipe the spit and cum beneath my lip with my thumb. I slowly insert my thumb into my mouth and close my eyes as I taste the aftermath. When I open my eyes again, Gabe is staring at me with ecstasy in his eyes.
"That was amazing," he whispered softly.
"If you thought that was good, wait until you see what else I can do." I reply.
"Your ex was a lucky man," he mentions.
"Are our exes gonna create an issue with us?" I ask, slightly annoyed.
"What do you mean?" He responds, sounding slightly dumbfounded.
Before he can say anything else, I pick up my shirt and storm out of his room. As I walk away and towards my room, I slide on my shirt and begin to button it. I pass a few students in the halls who give me odd looks but I brush past them carelessly.
By the time I reach my dorm, I forget why I was even upset. I unlock the room and push open the door. On his bed is my roommate, listening to music. When he sees me, he takes off his headphones and hands me a note.
"Somebody slid this under our door about five minutes ago. It's addressed to you," he explains. I grab the letter and break open the envelope.
"How was he? Anywhere near as good as me? Hopefully this won't bite you in the ass.
-G" 
I sit down on my bed with the note and slide it back into the envelope. So it was a set up after all. Why the fuck would Gerard do this? What does he have to gain?