Falling asleep in Gerard's arms was something that always brought me comfort. With my head pressed against his chest, I could hear his rhythmic heart beating loudly. I was nearly two hours away from where I should've been and not an ounce of my being wanted to change that. As I drifted off to sleep, the only thing on my mind was how much I had missed this feeling of warmth and love. I felt surrounded by it and it resonated through the room. The completion I felt in my heart echoed what I had once learned about Aristophanes' view of love. When he spoke of humans' desire for completion, and how finding our other half would make us whole, he spoke about love and now more than anything... I can feel it. All of my pain and worry seemed like distant nightmares, and that Gerard's body pressed to mine was the only thing that mattered in the whole world.
-
When I woke up the next morning, the sky was dim and grey. A doomed feeling clung to my shoulders as I pulled a red satin sheet off of my body. My mouth felt like cotton from being incredibly parched. I didn't want to wake Gerard so I carefully turned away, and pulled myself to a seated position. I stretched before picking myself up and walking out of his bedroom. I hadn't gotten much of a chance to explore his new place, so I figured now would be the best time. When I entered the hallway, there were paintings, presumably his, hung on either side. Staring into them brought sadness to my heart and I could tell that pain soaked each of them. I follow down the hall to the open bathroom door. Once inside, I turn on the faucet and just drink. I didn't know where he kept any glassware and honestly, I didn't care. The water felt amazing as I gulped rapidly. In the mirror I could see a bathtub behind me with a black shower curtain pulled around it. I turned off the faucet and looked at myself in the mirror. I hadn't looked at myself properly in a mirror in a longtime. My dorm room had one permanently attached to the wall but I had covered it with sweaters. I looked almost unrecognizable to myself. I hadn't been paying attention to myself in the slightest lately. Not particularly because I didn't care to, it just seemed like a ridiculous amount of effort was necessary to do anything anymore. I could see love bites that were left across my skin and other bruises that reminded me of my decisions the night before. My body marked as Gerard's territory until it healed and faded. I liked the idea of him wanting me, though I wasn't sure how permanent the situation could be. An hour and a half is a long distance, and we've proven to ourselves time and time again that we're troublesome when we're together. But the thought of being together... it made my chest flutter nonetheless. Being practical was harder than being reckless.
I turned towards the bath and began to draw water. I hadn't washed myself since before the party and I could definitely tell from the smell wafting from my skin that I was in desperate need of a shower or a bath. I figured Gerard wouldn't have an issue with it considering we lived together once, but then again maybe I should've asked for permission first. Mind you, that would've involved waking him up and having to deal with reality for awhile. As it stood, I was able to just fantasize about the love I felt for him without having to deal with the problems that my head would have to worry about. I slid into the hot water in the bathtub and felt instant relief wash over me. My aching body began to feel at ease. My skin turned a bright shade of red as the heat caused my blood to flow more readily near the skin. I let the tub fill almost to the edge before turning the water off. I drifted deep into the water and let it cover me. I closed my eyes and began imagining what life could've been like if things had been different in nearly every aspect. This daydreaming was shortly interrupted by a visibly anxious Gerard busting into the bathroom.
"Oh, thank God," he whispers to himself as he sees me in the bathtub. "I thought you had left." I sat up properly in the tub and made eye contact.
"Wouldn't dream of it," I respond as coolly as possible. He makes his way over to the edge of the bathtub and sits down beside me.
"You're welcome to join," I inform him, patting the porcelain side of the tub. He shakes his head with a smile.
YOU ARE READING
I Tried My Best To Love You (Sequel To YAMFB)
FanfictionFrank and Gerard aren't really together but can't stand to be apart.
