Dive (Harry Styles) AU

Chapter X

I'm sitting in a barstool in front of the bar with a drink on my hands, I take a sip and the coldness and alcohol immediately relaxes my body. I honestly lost track of how long I've been in this bar and how many drinks I've had but I can feel that I'm absolutely wasted and to top it all I don't know where the hell are Hannah and Katia. The music is loud and pumping inside the bar with lights flickering everywhere, the dance floor is completely full with people dancing and grinding against each other, making the raising temperature almost unbearable to breath properly. I search the crowd dancing to the beat of the song trying to find one of my friends but it proves to be a very difficult task since my vision is blurry from how much alcohol I had consumed and my head is starting to get heavy. My eyes catches a head full of curls on the dance floor and even though I'm totally fucked up drunk I still can recognise him in the middle of the people dancing. His hands are grasping her waist while she is grinding her ass on his crotch both smiling and having a wonderful time. Fuckers! I don't know what she has that attracts him so much, everyone must know she is a fucking whore, she probably has tons of sexual diseases or something. And I'm not saying this just because I'm jealous, the way she is dancing gives away what kind of woman she is. I continue to watch them dancing or should I say almost having dry sex in the middle of the dance floor, when she leans in and kisses him hungrily. I close my eyes because the sight is to much for me to see and the pain in my heart is almost to much to behold, the images of them kissing doesn't come off of my head since I first saw them when I got to this fucking bar. That's why I took the alcohol as my refuge, to help me forget how horrible I'm feeling, but it just got it worse. I open my eyes and they are still kissing each other, I need more alcohol it's what I need.

"Hey, give me one moreeee." I slurred to the bartender.

"I think you already had enough, don't you think?" He says looking at me with concerning eyes.

"I'm paying for the drinks don't I? So give me another fucking drink?" I yell to him, my voice not sounding very loud because of the music.

"Ok, don't need to cause a scene. I just don't want to call a ambulance because you are on a alcoholic coma." He says raising both of his hands.

"Mind your own fucking business and give me my drink." I say rudely.

He starts making my drink and gives it to me a minute later, I immediately take a gulp feeling the burn on my throat and stomach. I've never gotten drunk before, this is the very first time that I had more than one drink, I never felt the need to get drunk to have fun. I always liked to stay sober and know what I'm doing but tonight, for the first time in my life I didn't care about getting drunk to forget, I didn't care that I was putting myself in danger, I didn't care about the harm I was doing to myself. I didn't know the extent of my feelings for him until tonight when I saw him with that girl, to be honest I wish I could be her right now, because it's with her that Harry is dancing with, it's her that he kisses and it's her that he touches probably every night and that makes me hate myself. I hate myself because I will never have what she has with him, I will never be beautiful like her, or outgoing and sexy, I'm boring as hell, me and sexiness are total opposites and I prefer to have my nose inside a book than go out to a club every Friday night. Harry's life is a total contrast from mine and we simply don't match, but Karen does perfectly. This thoughts run through my mind making me fight the tears that are threatening to fall from my eyes. I just have to accept the fact that I'm meant to be alone for the rest of my life, I never had luck in love, it wasn't now that would change. What makes me even more angry is that since I met this beautiful green eyed man I had done things that I probably would never do or allowed, like sleep in his apartment when I barely know him or letting him touch me like he did twice without as much as a slap in the face or getting drunk like I'm right now. He makes me feel things that I never felt before and that is one of the things that attracts me to him like a magnet.