silvia

xi.

dear bella rue,

i did my best to avoid jesse all day today. i did a good job of it, too. i was ducking behind walls and hiding in the girl's bathrooms just so i wouldn't have to see his face at all.

i'm not sure if you could tell or not, but i'm not fully over it yet.

   (will i ever be?)

i was doing well, until i had to go to english. i was jogging, because i was running a little late, and jesse happened to be on his way to world history (also quite late, which is not characteristic of him at all), and--bam!--we bumped into each other and we both fell flat on our asses.

   [i get up.]

   [jesse gets up.]

me: i'm sorry, i wasn't paying-

   [i realize that it's jesse that i bumped into.]

jesse: i'm sorry, silvia. about more than just bumping into you in the hallway.

me: why should you apologize for the way you feel?

   [jesse helps me pick up all of the books i dropped.]

   [i pick up the stray papers that flew out of his folder.]

   [we exchange belongings.]

me & jesse: thank you.

   [we both rush to our classes.]

it sucked. i went home and put on your last album, bella rue's magical fantastical rock and roll folk pop punk classical album (i fucking love the name of that album, by the way). i simply laid on my bed and allowed myself to just drown in that shit (it's not shit, but you know what i meant, i think). do you ever do that? just drown yourself in music? it's much nicer than drowning in water, i think.

after i send this letter i think i'll listen to in the aeroplane over the sea by neutral milk hotel...damn. i just remembered that album is jesse's favorite.

i need to get better at this getting-over-a-boy bullshit, don't i?

(jesus christ, you'd have thought that we were actually together, the way i'm carrying on.)

sincerely yours,

silvia.