Love Peoms

XVII

Chapter 17- "Attention whore"

During first period, the bandage on my arm started to come off while we were moving around the classroom. 

"What happened to your arm?" A boy with dirty blond hair asked me.

"Oh, I fell."

"How do you fall on your wrist?"

I started to panic as I tried to fix the bandage. He came over to me and pulled it off completely.

"You cut yourself?" He asked loudly.

"No!" I yanked my arm away. Corban came over to us.

Great.

Just great.

"W-what?" He said as he came up to use.

"Nothing." I said.

He grabbed my arm and inspected my scarred wrist. Tears fell from his eyes as he saw the still raw cuts.

"When did this happen?" 

"While I was dating Bree." I started to cry and the dirty blond saw.

"Are you crying?" He asked.

I wiped my tears away. "No."

"You're such an attention whore." The dirty blond spoke with a harsh tone.

"Shut up!" I yelled.

"You cut yourself for attention!" 

"Stop!" Corban yelled.

Everyone in the class was staring. Corban was still holding my scarred arm so everyone could see it. Everyone was going to think I'm an attention whore even though I'm not.

"Ew Zoe Payton cuts herself?" A girl said loudly as she came up to us.

"No I don't." I said.

"Yea you do." The dirty blond showed everyone my arm.

"Stop!" I yelled as tears fell from my eyes.

"You are such an attention whore." Someone else said.

"Everyone shut the fuck up!" Corban yelled as he pulled me away.

"What is going on over here?" The teacher asked as they walked up to us.

"I think Zoe needs to see a counselor." The dirty blond said.

"Why is that?" The teacher asked.

"She cuts herself for attention." 

"No I do not!" I yelled.

"Yea she does. Look." He tried to grab my arm but Corban wouldn't let him. Eventually he was able to grab my arm and show the teacher.

"Zoe, meet me outside the classroom. I'll be out in a little bit." The teacher said.

"Fine." I went out into the hallway and burst out crying.

Now that entire class knows I cut myself, including the teacher. 

The teacher walked out and saw me crying. "Are you okay?"

"Can I go to the counselor?"

"Of course. Go ahead."

I started to walk away but the teacher stopped me.

"Wait," They paused, "Take care of yourself okay? I won't judge you for this and I won't look at you differently."

I nodded. "Thank you."

I made my way to the counselors. The halls were quiet during class, the only people you saw were the slackers who ditched class. They usually just walked around quietly with headphones in their ears.

When I got to the office, I asked to see the counselor. This was the first time I saw her.

When I got into her office, she told me to sit down so I did.

"What's going on?" She spoke softly.

"People are calling me an attention whore." I told her.

"Is there something that's making them say that."

"I uhhh, cut myself a few days go. I'm better now though."

I talked to the counselor for a while about everything that happened in the past few weeks. It felt good to finally tell someone. I was tired of keeping it bottled up.

After I talked to the counselor, the bell rang which indicated that we all go to second period.

------

After school, Corban texted me and told me to meet him at the park after school. I walked to the park and I saw him sitting in the grass. I walked over to him and sat next to him.

He didn't say anything. He just stared into the distance.

"Why?" He eventually said.

"W-what?" I stuttered out.

"Why would you intentionally hurt yourself over something as stupid as me?" He spoke sharply.

"Because I love you and I don't want to loose you."

"You purposely damaged your own beautiful skin!" He yelled.

"I'm sorry." Tears fell from my eyes.

"I'm not judging you. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm just worried about you."

"I'll be fine." 

"Will you?" He looked into my eyes.

"Yes. Now that we are back together, I'm happy." I showed him a weak smile. "You truly make me happy."

He stared into my eyes for a few seconds then leaned in to kiss me. He pressed his soft lips against mine and caressed my back with his hand. I put my hand behind his neck and ran it up his hair, deepening the kiss. 

When we parted, he looked at the grass and chuckled.

"What?" I asked him.

"Oh nothing. I'm just happy that I'm with you. I couldn't ask for a better girlfriend."

"And I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend." We smiled and each other and pressed our lips together again.

He worked his hand inside my shirt and ran it up my back. I could feel his warm hand against my skin. He ran his other hand through my hair and our lips moved in sync. 

After kissing for a long time, I had to go home. It was almost dinner and my mom wanted me home. Me and Corban said goodbye then went our separate ways for the day.

------

That night, I couldn't fall asleep. My anxiety kept bothering me. I kept getting flashbacks from earlier and I kept hearing those people's voices. They replayed in my head, over and over again.

"Attention whore."

"You cut yourself?"

"Ew Zoe Payton cuts herself."

"You cut yourself for attention."

God damn it I hate myself do much. Why the fuck did I cut myself?

Why?

I couldn't stop asking myself that. Every time I tried to fall asleep, my thoughts wouldn't let me. Every time I closed my eyes, those people's comments replayed in my head like a broken record.

But that record isn't as broken as me.