Cant't help falling in love (CAMREN)

CHAPTER 24

Dear Lauren,

Lauren wanted to fold it back up, but it had bloomed in her hands. Her fingers shook as she held it open, unable to stop reading.

I was thinking about shells today while I was at school. I saw a woman with a shirt that had them, and I remembered the beach, and this box. I went back and read through all the letters, and for the first time, in a long time, I wasn't sad about it - about not returning to the beach or traveling with you. Because I know we would if we could.

I've been so tired lately. I'm so tired of being angry, and sad, and afraid that you'll leave me. I've also recently accepted that we won't be traveling together any time soon. But it's okay. Because I know you tried. I think I held onto that too long.

I don't think I will ever stop loving you. I think it's a part of me now, and it's never leaving. It makes me who I am. And I am more than okay with that.

To have these memories is such a precious thing to me. I was thinking about shells, and I was thinking about that day at the beach and I can remember sitting on the blanket looking at the water, and you asked me what I was thinking.

I was thinking about how afraid I was that I was never going to love you as much as I did then. That the moment was going to get washed out, that I would never be able to experience what it was like to know that I loved you as much as I did again...

Camila's words seemed to drop off the page before starting again.

I'm sorry that things didn't always work out the way we wanted them to. I'm sorry - I'm sorry we weren't always as equipped to deal with the hand we got.

I'm so terrible at letters, Lauren. Thank God I'm not actually giving these to you.

I think -

I think that, the point of it all, is that the moment at the beach? I had never really understood who I was until then. That's who I am. That person, and there, right there, next to me, that was you. That's who you are.

I'm so afraid you're going to get tired of me. My nagging and complaining. Maybe you'll get bored with me and look for somebody else. But memories are good that way. If you leave someday, I can remember us, and I can keep living. I can keep going and always know right where to find you when I miss you.

I want you to realize this someday. All of that about us. You don't - you don't have to be guilty, and I know you would be, and I understand why everything would happen that way. It'll be alright.

I'll be okay.

I love you.

The truth of it has never been clearer to me, my darling.

And you are, always, my darling.

Yours,

Camila

Lauren read past this, to the very bottom, where Camila's handwriting had changed slightly.

She read it and let the letter rest on her leg.

"See you then."