Abandonment

{Five} A Pissed Off Hatfield

"Love is supposed to be based on trust, and trust on love, it's something rare and beautiful when people can confide in each other without fearing what the other person will think."

― E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly

Holy shit, I thought in a panic. My eyes were still squeezed shut. It seemed cruel to open them just yet; or ever, for that matter.

"Josie," the voice said again, more firmly.

Fuck fuck fuck! My mind was racing a mile a minute. I couldn't decide if I wanted to cry or vomit. Maybe both...

"I'm losin' my goddamn mind..."

You and me both, I thought wildly.

Finally, there was a firm hand on my shoulder. I was spun around slowly; and I all too eagerly obliged. At last I now let my eyes open to the scene I knew was unfolding before me. There he was. Just like I'd been dreaming. Suddenly it was as though I'd never left, and for a moment I nearly forgot myself and took a step towards him, intent on kissing the hell out of him.

But the second Cap took a deliberate and fast move back, I remembered everything. He hated me. He thought I was mad. Of course I wasn't certain on the literal time that had passed, but it was definitely not long after I had left him the last time.

There was still anger behind those piercing and unique eyes of his. Mostly, however, there was just straight up, honest deer-in-the-headlights bafflement.

"How..." His head jerked behind him—back to where I had vanished—and then back to me. "Ya were....an now....what the hell?"

I could almost smile. Almost. The dire situation rushed back to me the second any happy thoughts intruded my mind. "I told you," I breathed, "I'm not crazy."

His brows rose straight up in an almost comical way. I'd never seen the man so delirious. He staggered backwards, hand absent mindedly reaching up behind his head to grasp the strands of his hair. "Then I'm mad..."

"You're not..." I stopped short when my advances towards him only succeeded in him drawing further back. "You're not mad. You saw with your own eyes." When I'd left before, I was hurt and angry and reacted as such. Now I'd had time to sleeplessly go over everything I would have done differently. This time I was calm and rational. I would not lose him again. "You said you would believe I was telling the truth. If you saw me go back. And you did."

"An here ya are..."

My breath hitched and I had to swallow the rising lump in my throat. Cap responded to calm reason, not wild emotion. Deep breaths, Josie. You can do this. "You had to know I would come back."

He barked a bitter laugh and began pacing. It took him a few tries, but finally, he said, "I'm dreamin'...That's what this all this. Or I'm dead."

I refrained from rolling my eyes. "Oh, come off it, William. You're not dreaming and you're definitely not dead."

He looked at me with a blank stare.

When he just kept staring, I finally asked, "What?"

"You called me William."

"So what?"

"Nobody calls me that," he mused in almost wonderment. Then his brows furrowed together. "How did ya know?"

And here was the hard part. Breathing deeply again, I plowed on like ripping a band aid off. "I know everything about you. I told you, I'm from the future."