{Did You Notice?} COMPLETE ✅

My Last Day

*WARNING! From here and onward there will be themes that are upsetting to some and graphic detail. If you're sensitive to that kind of stuff, please leave now or proceed with caution. Thank you dudes~*

Her POV

I woke up like I did everyday, but it felt different this time. The air rushed into my lungs and a smile even managed to make it to my lips. A real smile. I took in the surroundings of my room and even the way the light poured in through the crack in my curtains. It would be weird not seeing them everyday, but I guess in my circumstances it wouldn't matter that much.

I wouldn't be waking up tomorrow. Frankly, or ever again.

The thought was liberating.

I had never really been a religious person, so I didn't hold any qualms in the whole 'taking your own life' business. Your life was yours, and I felt like I had lived quite enough. I was tired of waking up and trying to make myself believe I deserved to be here. I was tired of never being good enough for anyone including myself, and I was so tired of not living but just existing. There wasn't anything life could offer me now. I was done.

My mind raced throughout the afternoon- I spent the whole afternoon planning. Of course I had been thinking about this for a long time, but I needed to think about some things. Like notes, or a will or who would get my possessions or what I was going to do about my exams. I guess they didn't really matter anymore. Eventually, I settled on a small letter, addressed to everyone I loved. My mother, my granddad, my girlfriends, the nice lady that worked at the cafe I loved to go to and of course Jace and Jack. My heart seemed to crumple a little as I thought about never seeing them again, but I had let out my emotions over that already. I decided that if I managed to stick around spiritually or whatever, I'd watch over them for a bit. Maybe watch them grow up and move on and become the best people. Then I'd rest, knowing that they were safe, and everything was okay. That's why all of this was so appealing.

It was finally all going to be okay.

If there was a God, he seemed to be listening to my prayers. The weather was just how I liked it. Beautifully overcast with a bit of white light cascading through. My heart leapt as I thought about how the waves would look. A deep, deep blue stained almost black. I hoped it would turn me a deep, deep blue too.

I put on some comfy running clothes and announced to my mother that I was going out for a run down at the beach. She seemed a little skeptical at first but I had sat down to eat a big dinner with her that night and we had joked about really dolling me up for prom. She was certain that I was going to be prom queen. I had just rolled my eyes and laughed. I hated lying to her. It suddenly dawned on me how I was leaving my own mother behind. I was her only daughter, her star her..

She would be better without me.

She could do anything she liked without me there getting in the way. Start up her own restaurant like she had always dreamed of doing. Yes, I was helping her.

But I was still going to miss her.

I tried not to cry when I kissed her cheek and told her I would be back soon. I tried not to think of how she would sob when the police came to the door and told her that her only daughter was found dead, washed up on the beach. So I didn't. I focused on how I would finally be happy, and this was what I wanted to do.

I got the beach just as the sun had gone down. It was perfectly quiet, like the world knew of my occasion. The waves were breathtaking. They were so big but still moved with grace, glittering in the moonlight as it lapped over the shore. It didn't look real but the wind on my face and sound of the foaming sea told me this was very real. Finally, I was ready.

The waves called me in. I stepped closer and closer, moving slow but painfully fast at the same time. I wanted it to be like a movie, stuck on slow motion forever. But it wasn't, and when I felt the sea soak itself into my shoes it all kicked in. I was doing this. I was going to kill myself.

This was what I wanted to do.

I didn't stop. I just kept going and going. The sea rose higher and higher on me and it was so, so cold. It froze my limbs but I pressed through the pain. I shivered until my lips went blue but I didn't focus on the icy waves hitting my legs. I just kept going, going until the end.

It was up to my waist and I had nearly lost all feeling in my legs. Hot tears trailed down my cheeks. It hurt so much, and I was so, so scared. I had never felt this alive in my all my life, and I was only feeling this alive before I would feel nothing ever again. I hugged my arms to my chest that were covered in sharp goosebumps and kept myself going. It was almost up to my shoulders.

I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. The icy waves had a hold on my body and had now formed their noose around my neck. I shivered and shivered and cried and cried until the cries became sobs. The cold was unreal. Finally I could see my hair pool around me like it was only seaweed, but this was me. I was so close. So so close.

I looked up to the glittering moon through cloudy eyes, my heart hammering. My entire body was going into shock. It knew what I was going to do, every nerve and cell and pulse of blood crying out a desperate plea of stop! Stop this now! But I just couldn't, because my mind was telling me it was okay, that I should keep going, that I was strong, that I only had to move a little bit further. My tears dropped into the sea that was now at my trembling bottom lip.

Then I couldn't breathe.

I let the salt water in. I let it all in. It burned. I had never felt pain like it before.

It filled my lungs so quickly and it burned my eyes raw and I was spluttering uncontrollably. My chest was heaving, my whole body thrashing and it felt like I had fire in my chest. Finally, I pushed myself until I was completely underwater, and pushed until I knew I couldn't get back to shore now. I was still crying as I heaved and struggled, cursing my stupid lungs for not just giving up and finally letting go.

This fire in my chest kept going and everything was closing in. I was winning at last. My mouth and lungs were nearly full and my began to shut down. My limbs gave up. My desperate lungs finally decided that they couldn't save themselves and my heart finally decided to beat its last few beats. I watched the moonlight hit the top of the sea above me in my final moments, my hair pooling around me to shroud out the light. Soon enough, my hair didn't need to do that for me. I let go, the fire burning out, my heart beating to a grand stop. It all started to fade away, and I smiled, and then slowly, it all finally went black.

I was free.