{Did You Notice?} COMPLETE ✅

~Day 20~

Jack POV

Her funeral was to take place on the weekend. We had the assembly to go through before then.

I sat there in a room that constricted me, trying to look strong as the head teacher read out the details of her death to the entire school. I felt disgusted at the tears trailing down my cheeks as she repeated words like "tragic", "unfortunate" and how we'll all "mourn and miss her". It was too much. Listening to everyone whisper among themselves in hushed voices like it would anger her or something and watching as her best girlfriend fought with her tears until they were flowing and flowing and they didn't stop... I couldn't be there anymore. The noise of my chair squeaking back on the linoleum floor brought everyone to silence, including the head teacher at the front. I made my way for the door quick before her voice made me look at her.

"Aren't you going to stay?" she asked me. She sounded distressed, glasses perched upon her nose. "That's what she would of wanted isn't it?"

I suddenly became so mad, my limbs firing up with rage that ended in my eyes- 2 glassy orbs that could start a fire. 

"What she would of wanted," I spat out angrily. "Is irrelevant. She's dead okay? She's dead. She's gone and she's never coming back. She doesn't have the energy to tell me what I should and shouldn't do." 

My legs were shaking and tears were now flowing freely down my cheeks.

"I just lost one of my best friends. I just lost someone who meant the world to me. I just lost someone who took their own damn life; who drowned themselves in the sea because she couldn't take anything anymore and she wanted to die beautifully." I sniffed and my chest convulsed. "Well you can't die beautifully. It makes me sick to think that her last moments were spent struggling for breath, despite her mind telling her it was okay to let go..." 

I sobbed loudly, not even caring what anyone thought. I felt a presence beside me and noticed Jace there holding my shoulder, his cheeks tear-stained like mine and his eyes bloodshot. He didn't stop me though, simply nodding at me to keep going. I breathed in deep.

"She was more than just a tragic death. She was more than just a depressed teenager who drowned herself last night. She was a beautiful person who changed my life, and who I know changed the lives of many others. She was empowering and determined and she was going to do such great things..." 

My resolve was breaking. I felt as if I was going to pass out at any second, and I struggled with determination to finish this off.

"She should be living her life now, having fun, doing her best in the exams and being in her prime as a normal teenager should be. But she's not. She's in some metal space in the back of some hospital waiting to be put in the ground. A lot of you might think I'm mad at her- but I'm not. Yes, she left me behind- she left all the people that loved her behind-"

I turned to look at those people in their seats, their eyes wide and glassy, looking at me like I was doing the right thing.

"But she never meant to hurt us, and she never did. We're broken now, but she was broken for so long. She didn't do this to us. She didn't do this for us. For once, she did something entirely for herself. And you know something? I think that if she was here, she would let me go. Why? Because she didn't want to hurt us, but she wasn't going to hurt herself anymore."

I looked up long enough to see the headteacher completely overcome, tears rolling down her own cheeks like most of the kids in the hall. A few were sobbing- the whole hall a mass of people in grieving of someone that wasn't going to be forgotten.

When I finished, Jace just squeezed my shoulder before we walked out together, and he muttered quietly "Amen."

I spoke at her funeral. So did Jace. It wasn't much different from the assembly, except they played videos of her throughout her life on a big screen. All of us cried, and all of us spoke of our regrets of not being able to save her. About our regrets of not seeing the signs sooner. About our regrets of not doing something, anything that might of stopped her from taking her life.

But we left our regrets. We buried them with her. We threw dirt and roses over her casket when she was in the ground and there we buried all of our regret with her. I knew she wouldn't mind. She knew we were just trying to get through this. I knew she didn't mind because finally, she was free.

I stood with Jace on the hill she was buried on after the service had ended, both of us in suits but desperately not wanting to be wearing them for this reason. He hadn't cried much during the actual service but he was crying now, silently, and what was left of my heart burned at the sight. He looked so broken, like he didn't know what he was going to do anymore. It wasn't Jace. He turned to me, eyes so red and bleary. "Do you think she's here? Like as a spirit or something?"

I began crying at how hopeless he looked and sighed heavily with a sniff. "I don't know Jace. I don't know at all."

He carried on crying but stiffly nodded at my answer. "I loved her.."

I let the silence hang. "I know."

"But now she's gone.."

"Yes, I know."

Jace turned to me like he was expecting me to answer all his questions. I couldn't and I looked pointedly at him to show him that. I think he noticed because he turned away sadly, resuming his gaze to the sky.

"If you're looking for answers, I don't have any," I told him. He remained silent. "But," I counteracted, letting the word sit there. "I know this has to stop."

Jace turned to me again, but this time in confusion. "Stop what?"

"This," I showed him, waving my hands about. "Us. Being so torn up. Yes, we should mourn her, by God she deserves it, but you know she would want us to be happy."

"I thought you said what she wanted was irrelevant."

I smiled slightly. "I was just mad at ma'am. She's gone Jace, I'm sure we can both accept that now. But it was her decision, and I don't think anyone could of stopped her. Really, I hope she's happy now, at last. Really, truly, happy." The tears began to fall again. "And we should be to. Let's move on. Let's finish school. Let's go on and achieve our dreams if only for her. We'll never forget her, we know that, but let's make her happy now- happier than we ever did before."

Before I knew it Jace had his arms around me. I hugged him tightly back, and I felt his worries and stress seem to melt away a little. It was relieving. I think he was going to try.

"It's going to be so hard."

I sighed, pulling away from him and looking into his eyes. "I know. But are you willing to do it for her?"

Finally, with raw determination, he looked to me and then the sky, like he was talking to her. Maybe he was. "I am."

And I couldn't be sure, but I swear I heard a whisper in my ear that was gone with the next gust of wind but it rung loud and clear. 2 words. A voice all too familiar that said:

"Thank you."

__THE END__