Sometimes, I wish I had a terminal illness.
I know, I should be thankful that I'm alive and all that Jazz. That I'm still well enough to do what I want without anything holding me back.
But I want a way to die without completely destroying everything I leave behind. It's my way of letting my family down easily. I don't want them to feel like it was their fault. Sometimes, the way they make me feel, makes me hate myself, makes me want this to happen. But I love them, and I feel like this would be the least painful way possible to do it.
Maybe it's just my way of convincing myself they actually care.
Maybe it's just my way of wanting to end it, but not having a good enough excuse as to why.
Or maybe it's because I know that I wouldn't have the guts to do it myself.
But I just want to feel the relief of not having to fake it anymore. To feel free. Because I'm trapped in my own mind, in my own smile and I would do almost anything to escape. My heart is in a cage at the bottom of my stomach and the only way to free it, is to free myself.
So if I stop faking, even for a minute, and let myself break down, I know that I won't be able to stop. I know that I might just free myself.
And to free myself, I have to free the world of me too.
-💀
YOU ARE READING
Faking Smiles
Short StoryI'm depressed. I'm unhappy. I want to die. The only thing stopping me from ending it all is pretending I'm okay until even I think it's true. But you wouldn't know that. Because you never bothered to ask. *Trigger Warning*
